| Joys of Cohabitating with an Animal Brethren |
[22 Jan 2010|01:47pm] |
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Belle and Sebastian "Don't Leave the Light On Baby" |
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Do not read the following paragraph if you have a weak stomach!!!
I had one of those nights last night that was an embarassment for both myself and our cat Jester. About a year and a half ago, he had a really infected anal gland, so bad that we had to take him to the vet. The swelling got lanced and he had to be on antibiotics and wear a cone of shame for ten days, not to mention having a warm compress and hydrogen peroxide applied daily by us. Last night, I noticed that he was again getting swollen (cat owners know the joy of cat butt in the face while you are petting your feline friends). So, being the loving cat-mom that I am, and since I really hope to avoid any expensive vet bills, I tried to take care of the issue. I got what I thought was about half of the goop out before Jester squirmed away. After dinner, with Pete holding him, I squeezed out the remainder (almost a full tablespoon, oh so gross and the poor kitty!), with much howling and growling on Jester's part, and applied a liberal amount of hydrogen peroxide.
THEN Jester goes to town licking himself down there, then licks off the gross stuff onto his fur, making himself literally smell like shit. So I then had to give him a bath, always a tramautic experience for any feline. I know most people don't bathe their cats, but I always have him bathed if we board him somewhere (just in case fleas are picked up in the play room) and I try to bathe him twice a year when his shedding gets bad if we haven't boarded him, just to lessen hairballs. He is EXTREMELY good about the baths, although very pathetic. Last night, though, he wanted nothing to do with any of us once the bath was done, so I only got a cursory towel-rubbing in. I cranked the heat and set him in front of the heater, but he was still shivering, so I traumatized him even more by breaking out my hair dryer.
It took a good couple of hours until he was on speaking terms with Pete again, and even a little bit longer with me, but then he was very clingy all night.
This morning, I had a HORRIBLE nightmare about Jester... violent and gory, and I was frantically trying to save his life and get him to an animal hospital. I don't know if it's my guilt or if he willed the dream on me to make me feel worse about the situation. There were a lot of wolves and wolf-hybrids in the beginning of the dream, but they were all very friendly and had nothing to do with Jester's wounds. The dream was bad enough to shake me up a little this morningm, but I'm recovered mostly.
I especially feel bad because we'll probably have to repeat the squeezing process (although hopefully not the bath!!! I'll be wiping with a soapy cloth before I let him leak himself!) for the next few nights until it starts to heal. I really think it's better than having to have it lanced, and Jester is an extremely good kitty (when we did have it lanced by the vet, the vet had a few war wounds from Jester, but nary a bite or scratch last night to us because he loves us), but I feel terrible about not being able to explain it to Jester. Guilty mommy!
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| A Mental Situation |
[20 Jan 2010|04:24pm] |
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Bela Fleck and the Flecktones - "The West County" |
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I’ve allowed myself to have a really lousy week. Last Thursday, after emailing the director of the last show I did in Buffalo about the details for the next show they had asked me to do this spring, I received a brief email back saying that they were set for designers for the spring, but that they wanted to keep me on file for next season beginning in Fall 2010.
I was, quite frankly, stunned. To put this in perspective for my writer friends, it’s like being hired to do a long article for an October issue of a particular publication and having them verbally tell you that they want you to do an article for the April issue and you say yes. Then, after hearing no word from them for a few months, you contact them asking about what kind of article they want you to do and what deadlines they need and they say that the magazine is full for April but maybe they want you back sometime next fall. No contracts were ever signed, but you had a verbal agreement that money was going to be exchanged for creative services.
( And more... )
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| Dance Class and More |
[12 Jan 2010|12:39pm] |
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Yesterday marked the beginning of my first pole dancing class. I managed to only get one bruise (on my right shin, where I hit the pole my first time attempting a spin). My arms are achy, which is a good thing, and I adored the floor exercise before we actually even touched the pole. However, the class is incredibly awkward. They have seven poles, so normally there are about 4 people per pole, but yesterday one pole was malfunctioning so there were 6 people per pole.
So, first problem: way too many people in this class. The classes I was researching in LA were almost three times as expensive, but each person had their own pole, so only six people in the class total, plus the teacher. To be fair, there is a teacher per pole in this class, and the poles get cleaned regular throughout the class, but still.
Second problem: a lot of people signed up for this class with their friends. For example, yesterday I was sharing a pole with five girls who all signed up together. It’s hard to feel comfortable being sexy and dominant when you are the only one who doesn’t know anyone. To fix this, next week I am going to hang out with a few of the girls that I also noticed were alone. Hopefully we can bond quickly. I know I was a lot more tense last night because of this, which is causing me to be more sore today and may have actually caused my bruise (I have some social issues… it takes me a REALLY long time to feel comfortable in a crowd, yet one on one or in a small group setting with strangers, I have no problems at all).
The funny thing is that being alone in the belly dancing class beforehand isn’t an issue. There are people that signed up as a group, but there are a lot more ladies that signed up alone. Although I probably would find it easier to “get in character” if I was with a friend or two, it doesn’t feel as uncomfortable as doing pole dancing alone.
I won’t quit or anything, because I do love the exercise, but I hope my comfort level increases soon so I can enjoy the full potential of the class.
Today we’re going back to the studio for the first time since before Christmas. The snow has just been so bad these past few weeks, and we’ve been focusing on getting the house in shape, that we just haven’t gone. Tonight I will pick up the mess from our Christmas creativity, and then this weekend will start hardcore art-ing again. For some reason, I always burn myself out on creating before Christmas so that I need a little break after Christmas to reorganize and re-center. I’ve been very good about sticking to my music schedule (flute, keyboard, and voice… still need to add a day a week to try to pick the guitar again), but I need the house to be completely finished before I can really delve into sketching and writing everyday.
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| Foodage |
[07 Jan 2010|09:32pm] |
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Theme music to Monty Python |
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For dinner this Sunday, we decided to treat ourselves to a little seafood, so I picked up 1 1/2 pounds of scallops. Using my Wok cookbook, I stir-fried the scallops in lemon juice and olive oil, added green onions and a green chile pepper, and topped it off with a bit of sugar and soy sauce. I also made "crispy seaweed" from the book, which was supposed to be bok choy fried until crispy and then salted and lightly sugared. Wegmans was actually out of bok choy, so using my food brain, I substituted escarole. It was very tasty. I laid the scallops over a bed of brown rice, which had been cooked with a tablespoon of olive oil, garlic powder, green onion, and lemon-pepper. After it was done, I dumped the leftover olive/canola oil mixture that I had cooked the greens into the rice (app 1/4 cup), so the rice could soak up any nutrients that had leeched out into the oil during cooking. It was very tasty!
Sunday morning, I also made banana butter, since I had a few bananas that were getting overripe. You mash 4 ripe bananas (the recipe said to put it through a blender or food processor, which I would do if I was actually canning, but since I made this just for the week in the fridge, I didn't feel like dirtying up either of our machines) with 1/4 lemon juice, bring it to a boil with 1 1/2 cups sugar and 1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice, then let it simmer for 15 minutes while stirring. It's pretty tasty. I actually made it with a 1/2 cup less sugar than the recipe called for (1 cup instead of a cup and 1/2) since I am trying to lose weight, but I think it could've used the extra 1/2 cup. I've been spreading it on English muffins this week, 1/2 with cream cheese, 1/2 with banana butter, then making a sandwich. Tasty!
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| Organization and Tarot |
[04 Jan 2010|05:00pm] |
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Cardigans - "Lovefool" |
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Today is a sleepy and sore day for me. This weekend was a whirlwind of activity following my drunken debauchery on New Years’ Eve, the likes of which will never be repeated by me again. I spent practically all of New Year’s Day recovering and being kind to myself (Pete was very good at taking care of me, too). I will say again that getting sick-drunk for the first (and last) time was the most fitting end to 2009. I don’t know what that says for Pete’s end of 2009, taking care of me and his brother. Hmmm…
Onto the whirlwind of the weekend, though. Pete and I have unpacked/stored the last of our boxes, and the “guest” bedroom, which houses our big dresser, a sleeper sofa, and our musical instruments, is now completely cleaned and decorated (pictures soon to be posted). We also took down all the Christmas decorations and pulled the tree to the back yard so it can eventually become mulch in the summer. I also created a flute practice schedule for myself (to start this Wednesday), scheduled the piano tuner to come out, and went through some new recipe books. Shoveling yesterday is where my soreness is coming from, as well as the overcast weather, but sticking to my yoga schedule has helped me out immensely.
I also did a reading for myself with my Fairy Tarot deck that I got in the spiritual gift exchange. I finally cleaned and charged the deck properly, and I gave myself a “birthday” reading to center myself. A lot of the reading was spot on, but a few things took me by surprise. For example, under my goal/fulfillment card, I was told that I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. It is true that I am an incredibly stubborn person when it comes to doing things myself. When help is offered, I am gracious and grateful, but I have a very difficult time asking for help. So as my artistic and career goals progress, I will keep an eye out for the opportunities to ask for help. Tarot question: I’m going off of the spreads offered in the back of the book that came with the pack. Is it okay to mix spreads? Could I do older, more mystical Celtic spreads with such a light, happy, positive-energy deck? I don’t want to get mixed messages, after all.
Excitement: dance classes start tonight!!! Wheee!!! Further posts later this week with pictures. :-)
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| Resolution Time |
[31 Dec 2009|02:13pm] |
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Moya Brennan - "Tapestry" |
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This year, I have one resolution: I resolve to cherish myself. A simple idea. The definition of “cherish” that I’m using is “to care for tenderly; nurture”. It will be very difficult for me to do. I am someone that constantly berates myself for every mistake, someone who gets stressed and turns to unhealthy activities to relieve the stress, who allows both business and laziness to get in the way of taking care of myself. But! But, this resolution covers EVERYTHING that I need/want for myself, so if I can keep that one thought in mind all year, it should be easy to keep flowing. ( The resolution breakdown... )
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| Year In Review |
[30 Dec 2009|12:51pm] |
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Julie London - "Cry Me a River" |
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We are at the end of 2009, and what a year it has been. A tumultuous 365 days of life-altering decisions, seeing growth in myself as an artist, a citizen, a wife, a human being. There have been a few new scars picked up (in every way but physical, which is ironic for me), and a few scars given to others by me. There’s been laughter and tears, heartbreakingly difficult choices and realizations, and intense joy.
This year, I have moved cross-country (CA to NC to NY), modified career goals, lived in some appalling conditions, discovered new health issues which are completely controllable from my end, re-awakened my spiritual and creative side, and worked with Pete to figure out what we both need from the next phase of our relationship (some bad habits cropped up during my years in grad school from both of us that we didn’t realize or have time to deal with until it was over). I was very unhappy for much of this year, as I found dealing with so many changes and realizations overwhelming at times, but I enjoyed the good moments as they came and have felt so incredibly loved by my friends, my family, and my husband that I couldn’t hold onto any negativity for long. I was strong this year when I needed to be strong, and bent to the wind when I had to.
On a national and global scale, we’ve had some interesting times, both good and bad. I will simply say that every time I think we as a species may have an ounce of hope, something happens to make me question whether or not we should survive. I still believe human beings have so much capacity for rising above ourselves, but I constantly question whether or not we will achieve our true potential. The best that I can do, though, is to live up to my own true potential and touch as many others as I possibly can.
This has been a fitting year to end a decade. Next spring marks the 10th anniversary of my high school graduation, and I think this year, for all the strife, stress, and difficult personal growth, was exactly what I needed. Here’s to next year, and the years to come.
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| Happy Holidays |
[23 Dec 2009|03:03pm] |
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Ella Fitzgerald - "Someone to Watch Over Me" |
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I am currently getting ready for my office party, and I wanted to take the opportunity to wish you all a Merry Christmas. I feel as though time has been flying by lately, mostly in a good way, but I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to send my love to you all.
Pete and I leave tonight for Syracuse, come back to Rochester on Christmas day, and then go back to Syracuse for a day trip on Sunday. I keep telling myself that I’ll get to relax on New Year’s Day. But I am glad to get to see everyone this year, and I’m also happy with my gift choices, especially for Petey.
I will repeat again how grateful I am for the job I found. The generosity and warmth from everyone in the office is a blessing, and I am touched by all they do. It IS work, and hard work at that, but having a positive environment makes all the difference in the world.
I’ll hopefully be typing up a big reflective post next week about this past year and my hopes for the coming year. In the meantime, know that I cherish each of you and wish you the best!
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| Skin and dancing |
[16 Dec 2009|04:45pm] |
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Thea Gilmore "Hide'n'seekin'" |
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I went to the dermatologist this morning. It was a really nice office, and they have an in-office spa! Anyway, I met with the dermatologist, who spoke EXTREMELY highly of my new physician, and his assistant, both of whom seemed very competent. The visit, while brief, was thorough. The dermatologist says I don't have any fungus on my face (thank goodness), but I do have eczema and possibly psoriasis. Here is the definition if you don't know it: Psoriasis is a chronic disease of the immune system that appears on the skin, usually in the form of thick, red, scaly patches. Up to 30 percent of people with psoriasis also develop psoriatic arthritis.
I am currently undergoing a patch test, so my back is all taped up. I can’t work out for two days, and I’ve already been bad the past two days with working out. Last night I got stressed and downed quite a few strawberry twists, which I believe made me wake up incredibly grumpy this morning (poor Pete had to deal with it).
The dermatologist is taking a holistic approach, which I like, recommending me to immediately start using Dove for sensitive skin to wash with and he sold me a shampoo and conditioner of his own formula (it really wasn't that expensive either). I've already switched to an organic deoderant, dye-free detergent, and LUSH shampoos, which seemed to have helped some. I can no longer use fabric softener, and as suspected, I need to avoid harsh cleansers. He said also that it is triggered by stress, which I've noticed myself, so I need to work to keep myself as stress-free as possible (so leaving the theater for a while was even better than I thought!), and eat healthy and get a good amount of sleep. Also, he said that having short hair can help the scalp/facial outbreaks, but after he saw the face I made (serious blanching!), he said that it was just a recommendation and not a requirement, so I'm going to try everything else first and see what happens. I may have to start rockin' short hair again. I mean to chop my hair after a few more years of having it long, possibly doing five-year cycles of growing it out, keeping it long for a while, then chopping and donating it. But we’ll have to see if that plan holds out now.
I bought my first round of dance classes at Goddess Hour. Monday nights. I am extremely excited. January 4th starts belly dancing, and the following week starts pole fitness. They also offer a drop-in strip aerobics class, which I may add after a few weeks of the first two dance classes, as a way to jumpstart my metabolism once I start to plateau. And our town is offering ballroom dance classes on Friday nights for 8 weeks beginning the end of January, which Pete and I are going to take. An hour of swing and an hour of general ballroom (which I’m sure will include foxtrot and waltz at least). After we take these classes, I want to try to find places to dance, and maybe try contra or English country dancing again (we tried this at a con and it was SO much fun!).
Pete and I are going to have a busy couple of weeks. I will try to reflect on the year at some point, but it’s hard to wax eloquently while there are constant interruptions from work.
The snow is beautiful today. I really enjoy watching it, but it also makes me want to sleep.
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| Random Thoughts |
[11 Dec 2009|05:03pm] |
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Christmas music!!! |
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I was incredibly productive last night after my two hour commute home in the snow. I did two massive loads of laundry and sorted our remaining laundry into “to do” piles for the weekend, worked out, and unpacked about five boxes in our “extra” bedroom. It got to be around 10:30PM, and I said to Pete, “I don’t know what to do with myself now!” And Pete said, “Sweetie, why don’t you take some time to just relax?” So I did. I want to get as much done this weekend as we can so I can call a piano tuner next week. I needs to be playing as much as I can!
Work this afternoon is pretty slow, although I was feeling like a busy bee this morning. I have this long, involved project checking to see if letters were mailed out. I have a HUGE pile, because they haven’t been done since before last December (yup, a year ago!). But the work is so mind-numbingly dull that I can only do a few before I have to take a little break. Hence my doing this update… search a few documents, type a paragraph. It all works, right?
This weekend is a massive weekend of cleaning, organizing, decorating, and unpacking the last of our stuff. Tonight I will hopefully FINALLY finish our bedroom, as well as unpacking a few boxes from the extra bedroom. I’ve got to take pictures once it’s all set up. Tomorrow will be doing our first “seasonal” inspection of the house, going out and buying stuff we need, doing maintenance, and finally finishing the living room and kitchen. I will also be cleaning the bathroom. And we will be decorating tomorrow night! Yay! Sunday will be spent doing a little Christmas shopping, unloading the remainder of our con stuff back into the studio, and working on a doll dress as part of a Christmas present. Hopefully I can finish the dress at home on Monday, because I’m trying to make TWO to give at Christmas as prototypes of my expensive dolls to make for cons, and boy, there sure isn’t much time left, is there?
Speaking of Christmas, we’ve begun decorating the office. Our office party is next week, and our Secret Santa has been going on for a while now… a little luxury once a week. And as a good present for me, the CEO of the company sent out an email saying that he wants to keep our company running as a family company, not have it follow or be swallowed up by the bigger names. I very much like the friendly atmosphere and the general good feeling. It makes my job of being nice to everyone regardless of annoyance level MUCH easier.
I hope I get to see a lot of old friends in the next few weeks. I still need to catch up with a lot of people since we moved back. And I will… eventually. ;-)
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| Health and Such |
[08 Dec 2009|05:33pm] |
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Okay, so this weekend was a bust. Go see Pete's con report here: bardsworth.livejournal.com/15605.html
On to other news. I went to the doctor’s today. It actually wasn’t a physical, but just filling out paperwork and meeting with my new doctor and her nurse. A quick height and weight check, blood pressure reading, and a brief look at my hands and face. I got a prescription for cream for my hands (the same stuff I had before that worked for a while back in August… it will be interesting to see if now that I’m in an environment that I can control the dust/mold level if it will work better), and a referral to a dermatologist for my face. I’m going to gross you all out now and tell you that I’m afraid that it’s ringworm… on my face. I’ve had a patch on my leg that is slowly going away with the OTC cream, but it’s too soon to tell if it’ll work on my face. Also, my new doctor said that my face is way too sensitive to be using the OTC stuff on it.
I scheduled my physical for April, where I will have to get my tetanus shot! It’s been ten years already! ::gulp:: I still remember how much those ones hurt. And I have to get blood and urine work done two weeks before so they have a baseline for me. I know it will be good to know where I’m at, cholesterol-wise and platelet levels and all that other fun stuff, but wahhhhhh needles! And I have to FAST for 12 hours before. I think I’ll need Pete to drive after that one.
And now back to the weight issue. My goal was to lose 15 lbs before trying to get pregnant. I am five pounds heavier than I was when I made the goal to lose weight, even though I am fitting in my clothes better and feel healthier. So now I have 20lbs to go. Before you tell me that I don’t need to lose weight, I will just say that I am up over 150lbs, and my goal of being around 135lbs is not unrealistic or unhealthy. I have started working out… I am now going to be even more stringent about it. I am signing up to start dance classes (one night a week, two hours to start, possibly notching it up to three hours, while continuing to work out at home other days. I am also, starting tomorrow, going to start counting (over-estimating when necessary) daily calories. To maintain my weight, I need to eat about 1750 calories a day, so I am going to aim for 1500 calories a day (while increasing my workout schedule) to slowly but steadily take the weight off. Once I plateau, I may decrease to 1300-1400 calories a day, which is where I used to be.
Don’t worry though! I will still have my curves! They don’t go away, no matter how skinny I am. ;-)
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| Spirit Guide |
[03 Dec 2009|05:30pm] |
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Dido - "White Flag" |
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I had a dream last night that an ocelot was traveling with me, riding with me in my car, going inside all the places I was visiting, even the doctor’s office where I was finally getting my hands taken care of at my mother’s urging (long story short, I have this weird chapping, itching thing going on with my hands off and on for a long time now).
There’s been a lot going on in my life over the past few months, and Pete and I have been getting into some deep discussions lately about what we both need/want to make us happy at this stage of our life together, so this spirit cat showing up in my life now is extremely appropriate.
Ocelot -- Regeneration through solitude, connection with physical and spiritual worlds, ability to be in two places at once, clear vision, connection to the unseen, at home in the trees and in the water
I think all my spirit guides may very well be feline. I’ve always been fascinated by cats, collecting figures when I was little, loving their sinuous grace and flexibility and felinity. Since I’ve started paying attention to such things a few years ago, I’ve gone from the curiosity of the jungle cat (during my grad school creative years) to the warrior lioness figure of Sekhmet earlier this year to get through the difficult changes and choices I was making and now to the ocelot.
ANYWAY, Pete and I are packing up tonight for the convention this weekend. I am so excited. I hope we do really well, and I hope we sell at least one of my art pieces (not just the cookie plushies). Yay for Pittsburgh! Yay for roadtrips with my sweetie!
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| Life goes on |
[24 Nov 2009|05:29pm] |
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cheerful |
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Steve Lawrence - Til There Was You |
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Oh my goodness, I have so much to update you all on, but I will try to keep things as concise as possible, since everyone has a lot going on.
First, new job, where I am currently taking a break to write this. It’s going really well! I’m four weeks in, and I think I have everyone’s name memorized finally. I am an admin/receptionist for a 48 person financial investment firm. The firm had just moved offices to a new space a month and ½ before I started working, so our offices are nice and new and clean. I sit up front in the lobby section, greeting everyone as they come in, taking their coats if they want, and offering beverages (I have a k-cup coffee maker at my desk). I also answer the main phone line, sort the mail (everything needs to be opened for security reasons), send electronic faxes, sign for deliveries, and maintain the supplies. That’s the receptionist side. On the administrative side, I’m separating and organizing and matching the wires, which prints off of this ancient printer (with perforated sides!!!) in doubles – an original and a carbon copy. I’m also updating excel sheets, verifying account information, and slowly learning more about accounts. Eventually they want my position to grow to the point where I may have to take a test and get certified. So, basic office, work, but I’m not doing the same thing over and over all day, which keeps my mind active. The mundane tasks allow my mind to disconnect a bit, which is good (and the reason why I like to do things like alphabetizing my books/CDs/movies), and the new tasks challenge me.
Seriously, I always considered stocks as being like monopoly money. And there is that part of me that thinks our civilization could possibly tank in our lifetime. The danger of losing money on the stock market is real, but I believe that if we see the total downfall of the markets, then we will also see the total downfall of money. A wheelbarrow full of cash needed for a loaf of bread, and a move back to a barter society.
Everyone in the office is really nice and friendly. The focus is on a family-feeling. We have lots of office parties, and there are quite a few happy hours going on frequently. I haven’t gone yet because of the move, but I hope to make it to a few. I haven’t been abused on the phone by anyone yet, which is incredible in a receptionist position (granted, the market’s been doing really well lately, so people don’t have much to complain about, but still…).
Onto the funner stuff: we are getting well-settled into our new living space. Our living room and bathroom are finally clean and set up how we want it. Our bedroom will be if I can get two-three hours in there, and then we just have the kitchen to clean and organize, and the spare bedroom with all our remaining unpacked boxes in it. Pete’s brother’s bedroom is as done as it will be, I think, although once we start hanging pictures and shelves in our two bedrooms, he may decide to do the same in his. It felt so good this weekend to finally put up two little shelves and my shadow box with some of our collectibles on it.
I finished all the cookie plushies for Steel City Con, and a new fairy costume for me. I want to finish a few more dolls, and make two pairs of “distressed” fairy wings: one for me to wear with a costume I made in grad school and never wore, and one to sell. I probably won’t have time to make clothespin doll ornaments, but we’ll see. I’d need a really fast way to make wings… perhaps I’ll have a stroke of brilliance. And I will have my two “fine art” dolls prototypes finished by Christmas, as I want to give them as gifts. Then I just need to develop my wings and my figurines, and continue working on other art pieces.
And I’m going to take some dance classes finally… I found a good place for Pete and I to take basic lessons/jump right into dancing for cheap, and there is one place in Rochester that offers belly dance/pole fitness/burlesque classes. My new health insurance gives a $300 reimbursement per year for certain healthy activities, and I can jump in for this year, even though it’s only a month, and then have the $300 again when January rolls around. So yay!
I’m very excited to see family in a few days.
And that’s all I’ve got, cuz I gotta go home.
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| Art and Poverty Do NOT Have to Go Hand in Hand |
[22 Oct 2009|02:56pm] |
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I was told something the other day that really brought to a head many vague ideas and feelings of discontent that have been floating around my subconscious for the past few months. At a board meeting of a small professional (in that they use some equity actors and have several people working at full-time salaries) regional theater, the artistic and producing directors were lobbying to get small raises for the artistic staff, including the technical director and designers, and possibly for the actors as well. A member of the board, an elderly man with quite a bit of money, made the comment that he didn’t see why raises were necessary, since the people who go into theater and arts career know they’re going to be poor anyway.
( The meat and potatoes of the issue... )
So what is it that I want to say, as an artist and as a human being? What is my response to that board member in that regional theater? My response is this: we artists do not expect to live in poverty our whole lives, and from this moment forward, I am working towards the goal of having my art sustain me and mine. I will choose my collaborative projects with care, and I will continue to work on my own unique vision with no middlemen, no board of directors, no marketing team besides myself and my husband. By doing this, I am taking full responsibility of my art. My art will bring joy and/or profoundly affect all who come in contact with it. It will celebrate the good aspects of humanity and expose the bad. It will speak TRUTH, my personal truth blending with the universal truths of the world. Truth is power, and it is the most powerful tool we artists have.
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[07 Oct 2009|10:07am] |
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mood |
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music |
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The Scarlet Pimpernel - You are my Home |
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It is such a blustery fall day today. The wind is blowing like crazy, making my silly kitty Jester sit at the window to keep an eye on all of the falling leaves and swishing trees. He's a neighborhood watch cat.
Yesterday started out being bad. I was kept up most of the night with coughing fits, then I ended up sleeping in to past 11AM because I had been up all night. I started getting depressed with my job search, which has so far gotten me zero interviews even with being active at 4 different employment agencies, and that on top of being PMS and sick was making me have what I call a case of the "fat'n'ugly"s. I don't know if other people have this problem, but when I feel bad mentally, I end up feeling bad about myself physically too. I think, too, with the job search, I'm depressed because I'm applying for bank teller jobs again in desperation. Only at credit unions, because I hate the way commercial banks push the credit cards, but I still REALLY don't want to go back to standing on my feet for 7 hours dealing with customers who don't understand why the funds from checks deposited aren't available right away, or why their interest rates went up for an overdue bill, or the people attempting fraud or ID theft. it's a lot of stress. AND I know that the next step next week if I don't hear from anybody is looking for retail work. Blech.
My day improved once I got a call from one of the temp agencies. I'm taking a 4-day receptionist gig starting tomorrow, which will give us the funds to be able to get a table at Steel City Con in Pittsburgh, PA. And I found out that my brother-in-law put in a bid on another house and it was accepted, so now we just have to wait for paperwork. But both sides want to close the deal as soon as possible. Then I cooked dinner for everyone, making my mom's famous sloppy-joes and broccoli stuffed baked potatoes. It was yummy. Then Pete and I spent a few hours in our studio space last night. I'm working on three birthday presents right now, but while doing them, I'm experimenting with some different stuff to use on merchandise later down the road. I'll be doing a craft blog about the making of said items once they are completed. And I mended two pairs of pants and my floral tights, which means I have some additonal wardrobe pieces back. One of the pants are good for work and I'll probably wear them Friday, so yay! And I was commissioned to design a few costumes on paper for "Bat Boy, the musical" by an old friend from high school proposing it to a local theater company to do in 2010. I'm giving him a discount on the designs, but I love the camp of "Bat Boy", so this'll be a fun art project.
Today I need to put laundry away and pick up, fill out a letter of recommendation for one of my workers this summer, work out, apply for as many jobs as I can find, and make a list of things I need Pete to do for my website. I also would like to play my flute and sketch. Then tonight, round 2 of our Venture brothers marathon! We are watching all three season in preparation for season 4.
So I'm excited that I'll get to unpack soon, in addition to getting our new (old) bedroom set from my grandparents house and a FREE upright piano from a friend of my mom's. Seriously though, we have kitchen gadgets (like our rice cooker and blender) that we haven't even seen since we moved out to CA because we left them at both my mom's and in-law's house, and I am so looking forward to getting back in the kitchen again with my stuff. There will be baking galore. And I'll be getting one of my grandmother's violets (she had tons of them in her house before she passed away, and my mom took a bunch), my cedar chest that's one of two heirlooms from my dad's side of the family that I only got to enjoy for one year before going to CA, my boxes and boxes of books, and various decorative figures and framed pictures that again have just been collecting dust for four years or more. Yes, I realize it's just stuff, and my life hasn't been horrible without these things, but there is such history and meaning and memories to them all that it feels good to be surrounded by them, a way to reconnect to family still here and family gone, a way to reconnect wtih my childhood.
Off to work I go, if this wind doesn't put me to sleep.
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| Musings... |
[19 Aug 2009|02:57pm] |
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morose |
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Arcade Fire - My Body Is A Cage |
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I'm feeling quite torn up at the moment. I'm at a precipice of my life and I have to make decisions, but I'm having an extremely difficult time deciding what decisions to make.
Pete and I decided to move back East from California for several reasons, but mainly to be closer to our families and to have some hope of buying a house/property in the couple of years. We want children, we want a home base to create art of, we want to be somewhere that there is four seasons and that we will want to live for many years.
Here's where I have to make my decision: I think I need to decide between costume design and all my other hopes and dreams for the future.
I love costume design. I enjoy reading the play, psycho-analyzing the characters, creating or pulling clothes that fit those characters, and working with the director, the set designer, and the lighting designer to create a world that the actors can live in. However, I do not like the stressful environment that is the theatrical world. I don't like being at the mercy of other people to do their jobs correctly or I get blamed for their mistakes. I don't like a lot of the personalities of the people that are attracted to the theater world. And the hours are awful, even when I'm making $1000 to $2500 a design job. If you divide the number of hours I work on a show with the amount I'm getting paid, it ALWAYS equals less than $10 per hour. Every time I do a play, I always ask myself "Why do I put myself through this again?" When theater and film is good, it is very good, but when it is bad, it's horrid. However, I am good at what I do, and people have always wanted me to come back to work with them again. And seeing the finished product on stage or on screen is fulfilling.
The other side: I want to create a fairy empire with Pete. I want to create fairy dolls, fairy wings, fairy purses, and fairy art. Going to the Renaissance Festival this past Sunday made me lust for a booth there in a couple of years. I also want to start singing and playing my flute out again. My voice is coming back, and once I'm settled in at our new abode, then I will work hard for a couple of months before reaching out to see if there are any other musicians interested in coming along. In addition, I need to start writing again. I have so many ideas for books, music, scripts, poems, that need to come out. And, Pete and I want children... soon.
i reached the realization/conclusion yesterday that I cannot do everything in the above paragraph and still pursue costume design, for both financial reasons and time constraints. It is impossible. So my options are:
1) Continue looking for costume design jobs. Actively send out my resume to every theater/production company in the north east, build upon all of my contacts, and finally finish my hard copy and my online copy of my portfolio. Also, search for a part-time job, either short-term or long-term. This means that I will have to continuously spend weeks apart from Pete as I go do jobs, but I will hopefully be building contacts that will last me years.
2) Only do costume design jobs as they fall in my lap. Get a full-time job, with benefits, and pursue my other artistic/creative goals in my spare time. Continue doing this until we have a down payment for a house, our first child is born, and Pete and I are tentatively ready to begin our fairy business venture as a full-time job. Force myself to begin performing again by the end of this winter. With this option, I run the risk of stagnating at a full time job, being caught in a rut and having my soul eaten by long hours doing something I hate. Also, I feel like a failure if I'm not pursuing costume design full-time, even if I am working on other creative pursuits. I mean, did I go an additional $30,000 into debt to get a masters just to get validation as an artist? Plus, my pride hurts A LOT at the thought of giving up design.
So I'm torn. And my current living situation is not making it easy. I am incredibly grateful to my in-laws to put us up for the time being, but we are five adults, one dog, and three cats in a small house. I am currently living out of boxes and suitcases, there is no place but the floor of the living room to really do any drawing at, and no room for sewing or anything. When I get to the point of doing alterations on my show next week, I will have to drive an hour and a half to Syracuse to work at my mom's house, just to have space to do it. Not to mention that my allergies are haywire from going from no pets this summer to four pets, plus having to have my cat's box in the bedroom. I feel claustrophobic, I don't have access to all of my stuff, and I have this fear of being trapped in upstate NY, of repeating the cycles of our families (even though we've already done more than anyone on either side), of failing miserably and just giving up. I'm scared, being at this fork in the road, and with the current living situation, I don't know if I can make any good decisions right now.
I had a good long talk with my mom tonight, and she advised me to go to bed for the next few night asking the question of what is going to make me happy, and thinking about it for a bit in the morning. I know I should start my morning pages again too, and that should help. But I don't know if I'll be able to connect to myself enough until we're in Pete's brothers house. He'll be closing hopefully in the next week or so. I'm just so confused though, and of course I'm beating myself up about all of this... cuz that's the way I am.
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| The History of Our Future... Today! |
[04 Jul 2009|10:35am] |
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accomplished |
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It looks as though Pete and I will be living in the Rochester area until next June, at which point hopefully we will have a solid idea of where in the world we want our home base to be.
I just got hired to be resident designer at the Irish Classical Theater Company in Buffalo! I am excited, to say the least, because I did wardrobe there for a year after graduating from UB so it's like I'm coming home in a way. I know and like a lot of the regular actors, they do really solid performances, and it's giving me 1/3 of the income that I hope to make next year. So now I am going to ship out my resume to every other theater company in the upstate area to try and make up the other 2/3's so I don't need a part-time job.
Pete and I will be living with his brother in Rochester to save money for a down-payment on a house of our own. In exchange for living with him, we're going to help fix up and decorate his house and cook a lot, etc. We're still working out details, since he hasn't even closed on it yet, but we'll figure it out. I'm excited to be within driving-distance of so many friends, although I will (and am) sorely missing the ones I've left behind in California. There was much kissing and crying when I left.
Pete made it safely back to Rochester and is moving his stuff into his parents' house today. Jester still hasn't met the other cats yet, but there's been hissing through the doors. Flutey, the other cat, is kind of a cantankerous old man cat, and Ivy, the little girl, could really care less I think. But they'll get used to each other. Jester is really friendly with other cats. He likes to talk to them and then lay down and watch them. But since he's coming in on Flutey's territory, Flutey has to challenge Jester.
"Secret Garden" opened last night, and it was beautiful. I got a lot of compliments on the costumes, which is good, and I've already been asked back for next summer. I told them that I might need to find a spot for my husband, though, cuz this 10 weeks apart isn't going to happen again for a long time.
I want to start playing jazz flute and singing again. I've been trying to do some vocal exercises and play my flute when I can. I'm going to try to find some people to play with once I'm back north.
That's all the update for now. I'm going to watch the parade now... I am so excited to see small town America at it's finest!
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| Five Things Positively |
[21 Jun 2009|11:40pm] |
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contemplative |
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My friend ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shingkhor started doing a five things positivity routine from another livejournal friend of hers, and I am stealing it.
Don't worry, I'll post a nice long journal entry tomorrow about my time in Banner Elk, NC so far, but I was determined to start doing this weekly, and as my weekends are usually spent working as well, I consider Sunday the end of my week.
5 things I feel good about:
1. My first show, "Cats", opened! The whole production was very good, and I got some nice compliments. I may post pictures tomorrow if you are lucky.
2. I got to talk to Pete for a long time both today and yesterday. We talk everyday, but between our jobs and him finishing packing and both of us trying to socialize (me trying to make new friends, Pete saying goodbye to old friends), it was hard to find time this past week.
3. My waist is narrowing, finally. It's taken long enough, but all this walking around is doing me good.
4. I had instant success on my thrifting yesterday. I found exactly the dress I needed in the first thrift store we went to. Awesome.
5. I feel like my voice is coming back, singing-wise, and also I played my flute Friday night in the costume shop after everyone else went home for the day. I will be able to perform this fall!
5 things getting me down.
1. I miss Petey and the kitty. They move a week from tomorrow, and I am nervous about their trip and nervous about the future and feeling guilty about not being able to make the drive.
2. Two of my stitchers are currently not talking to each other... wait, no, one of them has decided not to talk to the other, thus the silence between the two. Awkward. Very awkward. I like them both as people, but I am having difficulty not taking sides while trying to make sure I still am on friendly terms with both. I hope the one gets over it soon, or else how can I say "let's go to lunch together" or "let's take some time on our day off to do this"?
3. The whole Iran situation has been disturbing me, but what disturbs me more is WHY HAVEN'T WE DONE THIS AT ALL? We as a people have put up with some serious stuff in the past few decades, and yet we are livestock and don't respond when taken to the slaughterhouse beyond a few bleets and moos. I don't like being reminded of this.
4. Several of my friends have been losing jobs, or are close to losing jobs, or had a huge layoff where they work. The recession may be slowing, but it's not over yet, and when it effects the people I care about, I have to worry.
5. I missed a wedding this weekend that I would have loved to have gone to, to celebrate with people I haven't seen for years an event that took WAY too long to happen.
5 things that I should do to put me in a better mood.
1. Take time to draw and write more. I'm trying, but I had to have an adjustment period when I first got here.
2. Get out and appreciate the beauty of the nature around here. There are caverns and a waterfall and a warm whitewater rafting place. And within walking distance is a lovely duck/geese pond. I should take my stale bread down there tomorrow.
3. Keep working out. I slacked this past week as it was "that time of the month" and also a dress rehearsal week. I needed all the sleep I could get.
4. Try to go out to the bar at least once this week with the actors. I went to the opening night party, which was a lot of fun, but I'm not a bar fly. I'd like to try and get to know these people a little better though.
5. I need to start singing and dancing just for the sheer joy of it. You know the song "just whistle while you work"? I am going to sing and dance through my work to help alleviate the stress.
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| Wah!!!! |
[26 May 2009|06:09pm] |
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 stressed |
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Dean Martin "Angel Baby" |
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I am packing and cleaning and STILL working on renderings and need to send out emails once said renderings are finished and then keep packing. I don't leave until the red-eye tomorrow, but I have to leave the apartment by 11:30AM for the entire day.
Oh, and here's a bombshell. Pete and I are moving back to the east coast. Soon. Not sure where exactly yet, but somewhere within a 12 hour drive from our families in Rochester and Syracuse. Pete is actually going to moving while I am gone this summer, so I've also got to type a letter giving notice and saying that Pete can sign for me when he leaves.
Wahhhhhhh!!!!!!
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| Self-Reflection |
[20 May 2009|10:46pm] |
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"Italian Leather Sofa" Cake instrumental |
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Almost a year has gone by since I graduated with my masters, and I have decided to take a few moments to reflect on how I’ve done with my career and artistic growth in this time and where I need to improve.
First of all, I have to acknowledge and take pride in the fact that I’ve been able to GET design jobs steadily. I have, in the past year, designed six theatrical productions, two dance concerts, one short film, and one TV promo. When work dried up from January through early April, while working a full-time temp job, I was applying for jobs for the summer. And everyone I have worked with has wanted to work with me again as a designer.
During my periods of low inactivity, I have been very good about cold-calling theaters in the area. I look for new jobs to apply for every week, and I’ve been trying to get my name out there, but honestly, when I’m involved with a show, it consumes me to the point where I haven’t been able to concentrate on getting more work. This is something I need to work on so that my design gigs can be more continuous.
As I’ve stated in earlier posts, it was a major adjustment graduating and being out on my own. I’ve worked through a case of depression, figured out what my key tools of procrastination are, and I’m working on excising those tools from my life, or limiting my use of them.
I have NOT finished my portfolio, either online or my hard copy. Both are at a state that I can use them when I’m interviewing, but my goal is to complete both by the end of August.
I FINALLY have begun to workout and lose weight, and I’m sure I will be a lot healthier this summer. I won’t be inclined to cook elaborate, fatty meals if I have no one to cook for except me. And I will be taking much of my procrastination time to work on outside art, music, and writing projects. Pete and I have made some plans for the future (the development of a fairy empire), and I need to go about implementing those plans. I want to explore new mediums. I have also decided that next fall I WILL play my flute and sing publicly again, even if it’s just going to an open mike night or finding a jazz band to take pity on me and allow me to sit in on them. This means that I MUST practice this summer.
That being said, I have been lacking in discipline for much of this year. I knew what I needed to fix months ago, but I keep allowing myself to be distracted. But I have learned to be more forgiving of myself, and I am mentally prepared to push beyond the limitations I’ve imposed on myself.
My first year as a “master of fine arts” was one of adjustment and discovery. I didn’t make as much money as I had hoped, and I couldn’t have taken the opportunities that I have if it wasn’t for Pete supporting me, but I’m on a path and I will follow it through the end. A qualified success, I would say.
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