| Art and Poverty Do NOT Have to Go Hand in Hand |
[22 Oct 2009|02:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
I was told something the other day that really brought to a head many vague ideas and feelings of discontent that have been floating around my subconscious for the past few months. At a board meeting of a small professional (in that they use some equity actors and have several people working at full-time salaries) regional theater, the artistic and producing directors were lobbying to get small raises for the artistic staff, including the technical director and designers, and possibly for the actors as well. A member of the board, an elderly man with quite a bit of money, made the comment that he didn’t see why raises were necessary, since the people who go into theater and arts career know they’re going to be poor anyway.
( The meat and potatoes of the issue... )
So what is it that I want to say, as an artist and as a human being? What is my response to that board member in that regional theater? My response is this: we artists do not expect to live in poverty our whole lives, and from this moment forward, I am working towards the goal of having my art sustain me and mine. I will choose my collaborative projects with care, and I will continue to work on my own unique vision with no middlemen, no board of directors, no marketing team besides myself and my husband. By doing this, I am taking full responsibility of my art. My art will bring joy and/or profoundly affect all who come in contact with it. It will celebrate the good aspects of humanity and expose the bad. It will speak TRUTH, my personal truth blending with the universal truths of the world. Truth is power, and it is the most powerful tool we artists have.
|
|
|
[07 Oct 2009|10:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
determined |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Scarlet Pimpernel - You are my Home |
] |
It is such a blustery fall day today. The wind is blowing like crazy, making my silly kitty Jester sit at the window to keep an eye on all of the falling leaves and swishing trees. He's a neighborhood watch cat.
Yesterday started out being bad. I was kept up most of the night with coughing fits, then I ended up sleeping in to past 11AM because I had been up all night. I started getting depressed with my job search, which has so far gotten me zero interviews even with being active at 4 different employment agencies, and that on top of being PMS and sick was making me have what I call a case of the "fat'n'ugly"s. I don't know if other people have this problem, but when I feel bad mentally, I end up feeling bad about myself physically too. I think, too, with the job search, I'm depressed because I'm applying for bank teller jobs again in desperation. Only at credit unions, because I hate the way commercial banks push the credit cards, but I still REALLY don't want to go back to standing on my feet for 7 hours dealing with customers who don't understand why the funds from checks deposited aren't available right away, or why their interest rates went up for an overdue bill, or the people attempting fraud or ID theft. it's a lot of stress. AND I know that the next step next week if I don't hear from anybody is looking for retail work. Blech.
My day improved once I got a call from one of the temp agencies. I'm taking a 4-day receptionist gig starting tomorrow, which will give us the funds to be able to get a table at Steel City Con in Pittsburgh, PA. And I found out that my brother-in-law put in a bid on another house and it was accepted, so now we just have to wait for paperwork. But both sides want to close the deal as soon as possible. Then I cooked dinner for everyone, making my mom's famous sloppy-joes and broccoli stuffed baked potatoes. It was yummy. Then Pete and I spent a few hours in our studio space last night. I'm working on three birthday presents right now, but while doing them, I'm experimenting with some different stuff to use on merchandise later down the road. I'll be doing a craft blog about the making of said items once they are completed. And I mended two pairs of pants and my floral tights, which means I have some additonal wardrobe pieces back. One of the pants are good for work and I'll probably wear them Friday, so yay! And I was commissioned to design a few costumes on paper for "Bat Boy, the musical" by an old friend from high school proposing it to a local theater company to do in 2010. I'm giving him a discount on the designs, but I love the camp of "Bat Boy", so this'll be a fun art project.
Today I need to put laundry away and pick up, fill out a letter of recommendation for one of my workers this summer, work out, apply for as many jobs as I can find, and make a list of things I need Pete to do for my website. I also would like to play my flute and sketch. Then tonight, round 2 of our Venture brothers marathon! We are watching all three season in preparation for season 4.
So I'm excited that I'll get to unpack soon, in addition to getting our new (old) bedroom set from my grandparents house and a FREE upright piano from a friend of my mom's. Seriously though, we have kitchen gadgets (like our rice cooker and blender) that we haven't even seen since we moved out to CA because we left them at both my mom's and in-law's house, and I am so looking forward to getting back in the kitchen again with my stuff. There will be baking galore. And I'll be getting one of my grandmother's violets (she had tons of them in her house before she passed away, and my mom took a bunch), my cedar chest that's one of two heirlooms from my dad's side of the family that I only got to enjoy for one year before going to CA, my boxes and boxes of books, and various decorative figures and framed pictures that again have just been collecting dust for four years or more. Yes, I realize it's just stuff, and my life hasn't been horrible without these things, but there is such history and meaning and memories to them all that it feels good to be surrounded by them, a way to reconnect to family still here and family gone, a way to reconnect wtih my childhood.
Off to work I go, if this wind doesn't put me to sleep.
|
|
| Musings... |
[19 Aug 2009|02:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 morose |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Arcade Fire - My Body Is A Cage |
] |
I'm feeling quite torn up at the moment. I'm at a precipice of my life and I have to make decisions, but I'm having an extremely difficult time deciding what decisions to make.
Pete and I decided to move back East from California for several reasons, but mainly to be closer to our families and to have some hope of buying a house/property in the couple of years. We want children, we want a home base to create art of, we want to be somewhere that there is four seasons and that we will want to live for many years.
Here's where I have to make my decision: I think I need to decide between costume design and all my other hopes and dreams for the future.
I love costume design. I enjoy reading the play, psycho-analyzing the characters, creating or pulling clothes that fit those characters, and working with the director, the set designer, and the lighting designer to create a world that the actors can live in. However, I do not like the stressful environment that is the theatrical world. I don't like being at the mercy of other people to do their jobs correctly or I get blamed for their mistakes. I don't like a lot of the personalities of the people that are attracted to the theater world. And the hours are awful, even when I'm making $1000 to $2500 a design job. If you divide the number of hours I work on a show with the amount I'm getting paid, it ALWAYS equals less than $10 per hour. Every time I do a play, I always ask myself "Why do I put myself through this again?" When theater and film is good, it is very good, but when it is bad, it's horrid. However, I am good at what I do, and people have always wanted me to come back to work with them again. And seeing the finished product on stage or on screen is fulfilling.
The other side: I want to create a fairy empire with Pete. I want to create fairy dolls, fairy wings, fairy purses, and fairy art. Going to the Renaissance Festival this past Sunday made me lust for a booth there in a couple of years. I also want to start singing and playing my flute out again. My voice is coming back, and once I'm settled in at our new abode, then I will work hard for a couple of months before reaching out to see if there are any other musicians interested in coming along. In addition, I need to start writing again. I have so many ideas for books, music, scripts, poems, that need to come out. And, Pete and I want children... soon.
i reached the realization/conclusion yesterday that I cannot do everything in the above paragraph and still pursue costume design, for both financial reasons and time constraints. It is impossible. So my options are:
1) Continue looking for costume design jobs. Actively send out my resume to every theater/production company in the north east, build upon all of my contacts, and finally finish my hard copy and my online copy of my portfolio. Also, search for a part-time job, either short-term or long-term. This means that I will have to continuously spend weeks apart from Pete as I go do jobs, but I will hopefully be building contacts that will last me years.
2) Only do costume design jobs as they fall in my lap. Get a full-time job, with benefits, and pursue my other artistic/creative goals in my spare time. Continue doing this until we have a down payment for a house, our first child is born, and Pete and I are tentatively ready to begin our fairy business venture as a full-time job. Force myself to begin performing again by the end of this winter. With this option, I run the risk of stagnating at a full time job, being caught in a rut and having my soul eaten by long hours doing something I hate. Also, I feel like a failure if I'm not pursuing costume design full-time, even if I am working on other creative pursuits. I mean, did I go an additional $30,000 into debt to get a masters just to get validation as an artist? Plus, my pride hurts A LOT at the thought of giving up design.
So I'm torn. And my current living situation is not making it easy. I am incredibly grateful to my in-laws to put us up for the time being, but we are five adults, one dog, and three cats in a small house. I am currently living out of boxes and suitcases, there is no place but the floor of the living room to really do any drawing at, and no room for sewing or anything. When I get to the point of doing alterations on my show next week, I will have to drive an hour and a half to Syracuse to work at my mom's house, just to have space to do it. Not to mention that my allergies are haywire from going from no pets this summer to four pets, plus having to have my cat's box in the bedroom. I feel claustrophobic, I don't have access to all of my stuff, and I have this fear of being trapped in upstate NY, of repeating the cycles of our families (even though we've already done more than anyone on either side), of failing miserably and just giving up. I'm scared, being at this fork in the road, and with the current living situation, I don't know if I can make any good decisions right now.
I had a good long talk with my mom tonight, and she advised me to go to bed for the next few night asking the question of what is going to make me happy, and thinking about it for a bit in the morning. I know I should start my morning pages again too, and that should help. But I don't know if I'll be able to connect to myself enough until we're in Pete's brothers house. He'll be closing hopefully in the next week or so. I'm just so confused though, and of course I'm beating myself up about all of this... cuz that's the way I am.
|
|
| The History of Our Future... Today! |
[04 Jul 2009|10:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
It looks as though Pete and I will be living in the Rochester area until next June, at which point hopefully we will have a solid idea of where in the world we want our home base to be.
I just got hired to be resident designer at the Irish Classical Theater Company in Buffalo! I am excited, to say the least, because I did wardrobe there for a year after graduating from UB so it's like I'm coming home in a way. I know and like a lot of the regular actors, they do really solid performances, and it's giving me 1/3 of the income that I hope to make next year. So now I am going to ship out my resume to every other theater company in the upstate area to try and make up the other 2/3's so I don't need a part-time job.
Pete and I will be living with his brother in Rochester to save money for a down-payment on a house of our own. In exchange for living with him, we're going to help fix up and decorate his house and cook a lot, etc. We're still working out details, since he hasn't even closed on it yet, but we'll figure it out. I'm excited to be within driving-distance of so many friends, although I will (and am) sorely missing the ones I've left behind in California. There was much kissing and crying when I left.
Pete made it safely back to Rochester and is moving his stuff into his parents' house today. Jester still hasn't met the other cats yet, but there's been hissing through the doors. Flutey, the other cat, is kind of a cantankerous old man cat, and Ivy, the little girl, could really care less I think. But they'll get used to each other. Jester is really friendly with other cats. He likes to talk to them and then lay down and watch them. But since he's coming in on Flutey's territory, Flutey has to challenge Jester.
"Secret Garden" opened last night, and it was beautiful. I got a lot of compliments on the costumes, which is good, and I've already been asked back for next summer. I told them that I might need to find a spot for my husband, though, cuz this 10 weeks apart isn't going to happen again for a long time.
I want to start playing jazz flute and singing again. I've been trying to do some vocal exercises and play my flute when I can. I'm going to try to find some people to play with once I'm back north.
That's all the update for now. I'm going to watch the parade now... I am so excited to see small town America at it's finest!
|
|
| Five Things Positively |
[21 Jun 2009|11:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
My friend ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shingkhor started doing a five things positivity routine from another livejournal friend of hers, and I am stealing it.
Don't worry, I'll post a nice long journal entry tomorrow about my time in Banner Elk, NC so far, but I was determined to start doing this weekly, and as my weekends are usually spent working as well, I consider Sunday the end of my week.
5 things I feel good about:
1. My first show, "Cats", opened! The whole production was very good, and I got some nice compliments. I may post pictures tomorrow if you are lucky.
2. I got to talk to Pete for a long time both today and yesterday. We talk everyday, but between our jobs and him finishing packing and both of us trying to socialize (me trying to make new friends, Pete saying goodbye to old friends), it was hard to find time this past week.
3. My waist is narrowing, finally. It's taken long enough, but all this walking around is doing me good.
4. I had instant success on my thrifting yesterday. I found exactly the dress I needed in the first thrift store we went to. Awesome.
5. I feel like my voice is coming back, singing-wise, and also I played my flute Friday night in the costume shop after everyone else went home for the day. I will be able to perform this fall!
5 things getting me down.
1. I miss Petey and the kitty. They move a week from tomorrow, and I am nervous about their trip and nervous about the future and feeling guilty about not being able to make the drive.
2. Two of my stitchers are currently not talking to each other... wait, no, one of them has decided not to talk to the other, thus the silence between the two. Awkward. Very awkward. I like them both as people, but I am having difficulty not taking sides while trying to make sure I still am on friendly terms with both. I hope the one gets over it soon, or else how can I say "let's go to lunch together" or "let's take some time on our day off to do this"?
3. The whole Iran situation has been disturbing me, but what disturbs me more is WHY HAVEN'T WE DONE THIS AT ALL? We as a people have put up with some serious stuff in the past few decades, and yet we are livestock and don't respond when taken to the slaughterhouse beyond a few bleets and moos. I don't like being reminded of this.
4. Several of my friends have been losing jobs, or are close to losing jobs, or had a huge layoff where they work. The recession may be slowing, but it's not over yet, and when it effects the people I care about, I have to worry.
5. I missed a wedding this weekend that I would have loved to have gone to, to celebrate with people I haven't seen for years an event that took WAY too long to happen.
5 things that I should do to put me in a better mood.
1. Take time to draw and write more. I'm trying, but I had to have an adjustment period when I first got here.
2. Get out and appreciate the beauty of the nature around here. There are caverns and a waterfall and a warm whitewater rafting place. And within walking distance is a lovely duck/geese pond. I should take my stale bread down there tomorrow.
3. Keep working out. I slacked this past week as it was "that time of the month" and also a dress rehearsal week. I needed all the sleep I could get.
4. Try to go out to the bar at least once this week with the actors. I went to the opening night party, which was a lot of fun, but I'm not a bar fly. I'd like to try and get to know these people a little better though.
5. I need to start singing and dancing just for the sheer joy of it. You know the song "just whistle while you work"? I am going to sing and dance through my work to help alleviate the stress.
|
|
| Wah!!!! |
[26 May 2009|06:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dean Martin "Angel Baby" |
] |
I am packing and cleaning and STILL working on renderings and need to send out emails once said renderings are finished and then keep packing. I don't leave until the red-eye tomorrow, but I have to leave the apartment by 11:30AM for the entire day.
Oh, and here's a bombshell. Pete and I are moving back to the east coast. Soon. Not sure where exactly yet, but somewhere within a 12 hour drive from our families in Rochester and Syracuse. Pete is actually going to moving while I am gone this summer, so I've also got to type a letter giving notice and saying that Pete can sign for me when he leaves.
Wahhhhhhh!!!!!!
|
|
| Self-Reflection |
[20 May 2009|10:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Italian Leather Sofa" Cake instrumental |
] |
Almost a year has gone by since I graduated with my masters, and I have decided to take a few moments to reflect on how I’ve done with my career and artistic growth in this time and where I need to improve.
First of all, I have to acknowledge and take pride in the fact that I’ve been able to GET design jobs steadily. I have, in the past year, designed six theatrical productions, two dance concerts, one short film, and one TV promo. When work dried up from January through early April, while working a full-time temp job, I was applying for jobs for the summer. And everyone I have worked with has wanted to work with me again as a designer.
During my periods of low inactivity, I have been very good about cold-calling theaters in the area. I look for new jobs to apply for every week, and I’ve been trying to get my name out there, but honestly, when I’m involved with a show, it consumes me to the point where I haven’t been able to concentrate on getting more work. This is something I need to work on so that my design gigs can be more continuous.
As I’ve stated in earlier posts, it was a major adjustment graduating and being out on my own. I’ve worked through a case of depression, figured out what my key tools of procrastination are, and I’m working on excising those tools from my life, or limiting my use of them.
I have NOT finished my portfolio, either online or my hard copy. Both are at a state that I can use them when I’m interviewing, but my goal is to complete both by the end of August.
I FINALLY have begun to workout and lose weight, and I’m sure I will be a lot healthier this summer. I won’t be inclined to cook elaborate, fatty meals if I have no one to cook for except me. And I will be taking much of my procrastination time to work on outside art, music, and writing projects. Pete and I have made some plans for the future (the development of a fairy empire), and I need to go about implementing those plans. I want to explore new mediums. I have also decided that next fall I WILL play my flute and sing publicly again, even if it’s just going to an open mike night or finding a jazz band to take pity on me and allow me to sit in on them. This means that I MUST practice this summer.
That being said, I have been lacking in discipline for much of this year. I knew what I needed to fix months ago, but I keep allowing myself to be distracted. But I have learned to be more forgiving of myself, and I am mentally prepared to push beyond the limitations I’ve imposed on myself.
My first year as a “master of fine arts” was one of adjustment and discovery. I didn’t make as much money as I had hoped, and I couldn’t have taken the opportunities that I have if it wasn’t for Pete supporting me, but I’m on a path and I will follow it through the end. A qualified success, I would say.
|
|
| I'm Feeling Sicky and Restless, So I Decided "Why Not Make a Post?" |
[11 May 2009|05:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Violent Femmes |
] |
I know, not the best time to be posting, but I'm sure that I've made worst decisions in my life.
It has been way too long since I've posted, and several times I've meant to come and post, but life kept getting in the way. Also, I am somewhat addicted to updating on Facebook, but not as badly as many I know.
My mind has been very scattered of late. I have soooo many things that I'm thinking about right now that I'm having a hard-time focusing on ANY of it, and this virus thing isn't helping. My designs for "Cats" is still in the research/roughs stage. I had wanted to be done with that by Friday, but I can't rush the process. I have so many things that I want to work on but I can't because of my lack of focus. I've only been working on the things that I HAVE to work on. Luckily, I've added exercising to my list of things I have to do, so maybe the trick is adding back in everything else. But the distractions are there, looming on the horizon. Big life changes a-coming. For the better, I hope.
ANYWAY, I had a fantastic weekend, almost making getting sick yesterday worthwhile. And no, the illness did not distract me from the glory that was Star Trek. I swear, I have a crush on EVERYONE in that movie. Saturday I went to Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab's open house and bought Velvet Unicorn and tested Strawberry Moon (promptly purchasing it as soon as I got home). This is part of my birthday present since Pete and I figure we probably won't have a lot of extra cash flow come the end of summer. Then I went out to dinner with the costume girls and Pete just like the old days in Long Beach. Pete went home on the train, and I went and saw the last grad production of the year at my old college (alumni night equals free ticket!). It was a very powerful show about war, but the theater was stiflingly hot. The after party was lots of fun, since I got to see some people I haven't seen since graduation. Lots of hugs, which may explain the sudden virus yesterday.
I just feel like I'm floating along right now, trapped by some of my own internal fears from taking some actions that I believe I need to take. I need to focus, get over this virus, and be awesome these last few weeks before going away to North Carolina for the summer.
|
|
| An Odd Week... |
[17 Mar 2009|01:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 peaceful |
] |
Things always balance out.
The bad: Last Friday as I was pulling into my work parking lot, a motorcycle ran into my car. He is fine, but it is the first accident I've been in where anyone was hurt. I totally freaked out, sobbed until the paramedics assured me that the man had at most sprains, and now I get to wait for the insurance companies to determine who was at fault. Wheee! The damage to our car is estimated to be $1172, and if I'm at fault, I'm responsible for $500 of that which means that... it probably won't get fixed until next year. My plan is that once our car is paid off next March, Pete and I will save the car payment money for a few months and then get both the exterior and interior of the car spruced up. THEN we'll look into financing a second car, probably in fall of 2010. Although depending on where we're living, we may need a second car prior to that.
The good: I was offered a summerstock design gig in Banner Elk, NC! They are going to pay for my airfare, give me housing, and pay me quite well for two months. I'm designing three shows, one of which is "The Secret Garden", one of my all-time favorite musicals! Since airfare has come down so much, Pete will hopefully be able to visit me at least once in the two months. It looks so beautiful in Banner Elk, and I'll be able to make some east coast theater contacts. So yay. I'm nervous and excited at the same time.
|
|
| Brief Notes |
[12 Mar 2009|12:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Portishead - Sour Times |
] |
Musings:
- Peanut butter and banana sandwiches on whole wheat bread are delicious.
- At my first read through of my next show last night, the second producer who I had never met before said she "knew my work and thinks it's really lovely" and had recognized my name from other theaters I have worked at. So incredibly awesome. Now if only a big name film or theater producer would come along and say the same thing.
- I have applied for three college teaching positions in three different states on the east coast. Most of you know my previous statements on teaching, but I would be teaching design/designing shows for the universities in question while being expected to maintain a professional career outside of teaching. I think I could get really into inspiring future artists, and teaching would give us a bit of financial security while also giving me time to explore my own art. And I am SO disgusted by certain so-called teachers and professors that are bitter and try to keep their students down that I will work my butt off just not to EVER be that way. One thing I am NOT is a hypocrite. I've a lot of bad traits, but that isn't one of them. I'm not holding my breath on any of these positions, but if it's meant to happen, it will happen.
- Our apartment is finished being cleaned/fixed and Pete and I can start putting it back in order tonight.
- I'm missing my nieces and nephew a lot today for some reason.
- The perfume "The Little Sparrow" from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab is great on me. I will need to get a big bottle eventually. Yes, I have an addiction.
- I am getting focused and ready to be creative/energetic again. I burnt myself out on the convention and having our apartment a wreck makes it difficult to want to do anything when I get home. But no more!
|
|
| A Long, Slow Day |
[05 Mar 2009|08:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kamelot - Eden Echo |
] |
Today is a slow day at work. Two out of four people gone, not a lot of work to do except for this really drawn out boring project, I have a slight sinus headache for various reasons, and I am sleepy from going to a beer tasting last night (I'm not hungover... my body just wants to sleep to digest and rid myself of the various poisons.)
So much to talk about. I will focus on the positive in my life.
I am currently wearing Eve from Black Phoenix Alchemy, which I got as an imp the last time I bought some bottles. I adore it... apple and rose primarily, so light and refreshing. I switched to my spring scents last weekend and have been enjoying the change.
The convention with Pete was fun. We made table cost and paid for half our motel room, but then I bought a crocheted silver, peridot, and seed pearl necklace (lovely but an expense I didn't expect) and Pete got a fairy watercolor from the art show. I also found out that peridot is good for focusing energies, which is good for me. I have so many different projects going, I need to focus. It was an interesting experience to say the list, being at a sci-fi/fantasy convention. It was much smaller than we expected, but a good first experience. I had fun wearing my new fairy ears, which you can see some pictures of on my facebook (I'll put more up this weekend.) I am so grateful to have this full-time job right now because we were able to do this convention and experiment with some products without going further into debt.
We are taking our friends out this weekend to Little Tokyo as payment for them watching Jester this past weekend. We're getting a sushi boat for the first time!
I'm getting some really great organizational ideas from working this office job. This weekend will be one of massive job applying and organization, or as much as we can organize with our apartment currently being a wreck. We had a mold problem in our outside wall that they finally are taking care of, but now all of our extra stuff in our bedroom is sitting in our living room and of course the workers are taking their sweet time about it. But at least the problem is being taken care of, and my allergies are already improved at home.
I'm also delving into my next design. It's 1920s, which I'm excited about. I haven't done a show in this time period before. It feels strange taking this long of a break (a month) between design projects. I haven't done that since the summer.
I have a lot I need to work on, and I will begin this weekend. Hooray for being on track. Now if only I could predict the future. Hmmm...
|
|
| Anticipation... |
[09 Feb 2009|12:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Blondie - |
] |
So many things abrewin... I hardly know where to begin.
1) I got these in the mail the other day: www.aradanicostumes.com/images/Elf_Ears/largeanime.jpg I will wear them for the first time to Condor in San Diego at the end of the month. I will be dressing like a fairy all three days to promote our booth. I am ridiculously excited.
2) Pete and I will be unveiling several new goodies at this upcoming convention that will hopefully at least allow us to break even. It's our first time to a sci fi/fantasy convention, but I think we will do well. Pete and I are in the process of building a fairy empire.
3) I've gotten a couple of good reviews for my show that just opened.
4) I'm in the process of applying/hearing back from summer theaters to design for. I've got about another ten to go, application wise, including two summer camps. I love when people reply back to my applicatins telling me that my designs are "lovely", although part of me instantly becomes suspicious at the compliment.
5) I'm going to break down and get a subscription to IMDB this weekend. The producers/directors of the short films I've worked on are just taking WAY too long to get information up online, so I will take matters into my own hands for $2.50 a month (hey, it's a tax write off so that's good). I think only having one credit right now, and not even a design one, is hurting my ability to get paying film gigs.
6) I also broke down and got a facebook account, although I haven't done anything with it yet and might not have time until after the convention. I've just been thinking a lot about the people in my past who used to be friends, and I'd like to see if I can contact them and find out how they're doing in life. Everyone who touches us has an effect on us, and I've just been thinking of that lately.
7) It has been raining like CRAZY out here lately. I experienced driving through essentially a stream in the road almost up to the tops of my tires for part of my trip home on Friday. California desperately needs water though so I'm dealing with it. It ::SNIFF:: makes me think of Buffalo. ;-)
8) Pete and I had a lovely celebration of our 7 year dating anniversary this past Sunday. Then we had a kind of crappy day Sunday to make up for it. Everything always balances out for us.
That's it for now, although I've had a post about spirituality building since Christmas, so I'll post that soon.
|
|
| A Little Whining... |
[21 Jan 2009|12:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
This past week and 1/2 has been rough. Starting an 8-5PM job during a dress rehearsal week was stupid, plain and simple. Necessary, but stupid.
My tiredness came to a culmination on Monday, when I was left alone in the office with my intimidating boss for much of the day, and I kept making stupid mistakes that drove my own perfectionist instincts insane. The drive home, with two stops on the way for errands, added on further frustration, and when I got home I had to cry for a bit in Pete's arms.
I don't know how Pete has done this for three and 1/2 years, working a job he hates to feed us. I don't know how several of my other friends do it either. It's not that the work is difficult, or boring, or stupid... it's multi-tasking in a way I'm not used to, and it's using parts of my brain I haven't had to really use since summer of '06, which is interesting in a way but also incredibly difficult. I'm currently working for a private insurance agent that uses insurance to protect people's wealth, primarily, which is good for me to learn because I do hope to eventually earn SOME money. And the boss is exactly the kind of person I would want advising me financially. The really awful thing is that I feel like this job is crushing my soul, literally. Lack of natural light, dealing with people on the phone, lots of typing, the boss' personality... I could feel my inner artist/child shriveling up and crying. I got home Monday night and lied on the floor of the living room, Jester nuzzling my head and purring like crazy. I had a little cry, a little cuddle, a good sized beer... and then spent four hours finishing up alterations for my show that opens on Saturday (last night was the last time I'll have to be at rehearsal, thank goodness).
What I wonder is how can people spend their whole lives denying and killing their inner selves? And I'm not talking about the people who work full time and then do fulfilling things on their off time. I'm talking about the people who come home, sit in front of the TV, drink, and stop thinking most days out of the week. Do they just get numb? Were they ever able to hear that inside voice? Did they have hopes and dreams that just ended up decaying? And how sad if that's so. How truly, terribly sad.
Real office work is not for me. If anything, this job is making me appreciate my freedom when I can afford to have it and to discipline myself for a good long time to come.
|
|
| Year to Date |
[13 Jan 2009|12:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
I am typing on my lunch break right now. I started a three month long temp assignment working at an insurance company while the admin assistant is on maternity leave. I'm doing well in it so far... a lot of the work is mind numbing, but there's enough of it to keep me busy which is good. Otherwise I'd go insane. I hate twiddling my thumbs, having to "act" busy, or spreading tasks that I could complete in five minutes over an hour or so. I feel like having this job for three months may just be the tool I need to re-displine my body to the six-seven hours of sleep a night and waking up at 5:30-6:30AM in order to accomplish the tasks I need through out the day.
I also begin teching my show on Thursday, so not only did I jump into an 8AM-5PM schedule yesterday,. but I've been staying up late to work on alterations. Logistically, I couldn't finish my fittings until Sunday with the actors, so now it's crunch time. Everyone is looking really well, though, and I'm pleased with the design overall. I'm also enjoying the process more than I did last fall, which is a sign that the depression and lethargy has been conquered (I hope). Because I will immediately be going straight from this show to creating items for ConDor, the con I am going to with Pete at the end of February, and because of the temp job, I am going to take it easy on shows this spring. My next one doesn't open until April 17th and then I am doing a spring dance concert in May. I may try to do a short film or two in there as well since I haven't done one since late August/early September.
I have to find time to apply for a bunch of summer design jobs this week. Hoepfully I'll know where I'll be this summer by March at the latest. It's scary.
|
|
| Blue Screen of Death |
[09 Jan 2009|09:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
Earlier this week, I come out to my laptop screen bearing the blue screen of death. Naturally, I was unhappy with this situation. I tried the obvious re-starting off the computer, then called Pete to inform him of the trouble.
It turns out that Windows Vista, during automatic updates, occasionally will corrupt a file, thus causing the blue screen of death. And it is impossible to wipe your hard-drive with Vista. I will repeat that, with an addition. Since the spring of 2007, very soon after Vista debuted, Microsoft was aware of this problem, forcing many people to buy brand new hard drives. Of course with no reimbursement on Microsoft's part. It is now 2009, two years later, and this crap is still happening? Why yes it is.
Fortunately, there is one way to wipe your hard drive, and that is by using Windows XP version 2, which Pete happens to have and used. However, my sound cards on my newer laptop do not work with XP, so after wiping my hard drive, we then had to install Vista back on the computer, turning off all automatic updates and hopefully avoiding this problem for the near future. I've also finally made the switch to Firefox.
The good news. I did not lose anything vital or original. My dry spell of creativity means that I didn't work on my novel or music or artwork since the last time I uploaded my files to the external hard drive. The bad news. I haven't uploaded in a couple of months. I lost several hours worth of edited photos for my website, several hours worth of downloading patterns and pin up hair styles on line, several hours of research from past shows. So it goes to show you what happens if you do frivolous things online. An even bigger worry of mine is that I may have lost all my playlists on winamp. I thought it was being saved to my external hard drive, but I cannot find them. Pete is going to look into it this weekend. This means that I have TRULY wasted hours upon hours of time. And I miss my playlists. But, in the big scheme of things, I made out okay. Annoyed, but not devastated.
I have, however, felt annoyed at having to re-upload all my software, files, etc. and in my free time have just begun a new blanket (knitted) rather than working on more "productive" things.
It's interesting that I'm not more upset about this. Pete fully expected me to be upset, to cry, to be really depressed, as I have in the past. But I'm just going with the flow, accepting the inevitable with good grace. I'm more angry that Microsoft is stiffing people, forcing them to buy new hard drives. But we all know giant corporations suck.
|
|
| Musings |
[04 Jan 2009|11:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Monty Python |
] |
I hope everyone had a lovely New Year's Eve/Day! Pete and I were in Phoenix at our friend Nola's house. You can see pics of what we wore in Pete's journal. We brought Jester with us, and he was such a good kitty. He didn't like when the road got bumpy, yelling at us and climbing up into our laps, but most of the trip he just hung out in the back seat. At one point on the trip home he got into the trunk space (we have an outback) and laid on the suitcase, watching the cars out of the window. Everyone spoiled Jester horribly at Nola's. The party itself was fun, and on top of having a good time drinking and conversing, I also got to feed a baby and play with two HUGE dobermans.
I feel very hopeful for this coming year, as though many things in the universe are converging to a single point for me and for Pete. And yet, I am also afraid of where the world is heading, and I know that this could block me greatly if I let it. But I am determined to not allow myself to get this way.
Over the past few weeks, I have done several crafty things. I finished crocheting an afghan for my father for Christmas. I made a dress to wear home on the plane on Christmas Eve. It's really cute. It's a 1979 pattern, long full sleeve, cute tie collar with a keyhole neckline, made from green and black plaid knit I had picked up a few years ago when Lisa was visiting. I made the cat's bed a skirt out of the same material. And I have dyed t-shirts and made pillows for Bardsworth. You can see those here: www.bardsworth.com/store.
Writing-wise, I've started doing my morning pages more regularly, and I wrote a poem last week. It's still a struggle, but I'm determined to persevere. I also played my keyboard and sang tonight until I almost lost my voice. It'll be a lot of work to re-train myself to be disciplined in writing and music, but I will succeed. I have also begun working out again, and Pete and I are making healthier eating choices, although we won't truly be able to eat healthy until we get through all the Christmas candy. Pete and I have been contemplating having a "bye bye Bush" party, but Jan 20th is so close to Pie Day, that we may just combine the two. I don't know what the future holds... I know that people don't seem to have learned from their mistakes, that the corruption of the financial business just goes on and on, that the population seems to expect Obama to perform miracles, and that the people who truly should be suffering are not, but I am not convinced that this is the way humanity has to be. I really feel that we should be bettering ourselves, both individually and as a species, and that it is possible for us to do so. I strive to do so every day. We aren't perfect as a species, but we could be so much better.
|
|
| Dream |
[02 Jan 2009|10:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
I dreamed last night about my flute. I was carrying it around with me everywhere, knowing that I was leading up to a performance. But something was making me uncomfortable, and I kept going into bathrooms or stopping in front of windows to put on more and more make-up... first my normal every day stuff, then slowly adding until it became thick enough for stage make-up, and then covering that up with a thick creamy powder base, a few shades too light, that seemed to obscure all my facial features except my bloodshot eyes.
I haven't played my flute since October, and I have recently been wanting to spend more time with my music, so surely this is an affirmation of that, but what's up with the make-up? Is it my fear?
There are rumblings of change in the air.
|
|
| To the future! |
[26 Dec 2008|03:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Family Guy theme |
] |
I am back from a visit home. It was rough, emotionally, I got a really bad cough/cold, and I didn't get to see my brother or nieces and nephew. It was good to see everyone that I could, though, and I enjoyed seeing some snow.
The flight back was uneventful, but I was afraid that my checked baggage wouldn't make it onto the second flight with me. It did though, so I was able to put all of Pete's presents under the tree.
Christmas was lovely, just Pete and myself and the kitty. Jester loves one of his new toys, a fake mouse with streamers on a long string and plastic pole. Pete got me a lot of goodies and took care of all the candy in the stockings. He feels like he didn't get me enough though, cuz he's silly. I made breakfast and Pete made dinner and I made a cheesecake. We spent lots of time together and enjoyed the whole day.
The year 2008 has proven to be a very tumultuous and stormy one for me. But I believe that this coming year will be a great year of growth and life. I am ready to move forward.
This is kind of a distracted entry. But there you go.
|
|
| La la la!!!! |
[14 Dec 2008|10:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
busy |
] |
At 7:40 AM Pacific tomorrow I will be winging my way home.
I've tried three of my imps from BPAL, pulled at random from my bag. La Petite Morte finishes a little baby powdery on my skin, but the musk is very nice. Death Cap is earthy but nice on me. And Has No Hanna, a voodoo blend, is very floral in a tropical flower kind of way.
I will miss Pete for the week and two days I am home, but I really need to see my family. I just wish he was coming with me, especially on the plane. I hate flying alone.
Hope you all have a great holiday! I may not be posting until after Christmas. Kisses for everyone!
Now to finish packing.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
