costumenut

Art and Poverty Do NOT Have to Go Hand in Hand

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:05:41 GMT

I was told something the other day that really brought to a head many vague ideas and feelings of discontent that have been floating around my subconscious for the past few months. At a board meeting of a small professional (in that they use some equity actors and have several people working at full-time salaries) regional theater, the artistic and producing directors were lobbying to get small raises for the artistic staff, including the technical director and designers, and possibly for the actors as well. A member of the board, an elderly man with quite a bit of money, made the comment that he didn’t see why raises were necessary, since the people who go into theater and arts career know they’re going to be poor anyway.

Artists have a long history of being tied to the very soul of the communities they lived in. In early tribes, art was used as a means of explaining the unknown, of invoking the power of the gods, of controlling the elements of nature, of bringing the community together into one entity. In Greece, artists were sacred, constantly searching out the truth. It is from artists that we received the foundation of our mathematical, science, and philosophical reasoning. In the Middle Ages, it was the craftsmen and artists that began to form the middle class in towns and cities, which eventually help lead to the breakdown of the feudal system. Artists - and I am talking about both fine and performing arts, architecture, sculptors of the finest statue to the smallest tea cup, musicians of the great concert halls to cantors at churches, writers of both prose and poems – have played a vibrant part throughout time. So when did it become okay for a statement like the above to have been made? I believe it began sometime in the 19^th century. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly where, but this is when the first idea of “suffering for your art” and willingly living in abject poverty in order to flout societal conventions became most prevalent. A response to the rumblings of the Industrial Revolution? To the strict ideals of Victorianistic prudery? I don’t know. But I disagree with “suffering for your art”.

It is shameful that the expectation for poverty has become the normal for artists. If you are successful, you’ve sold out. If you are unsuccessful, then you aren’t giving enough of yourself. The number of artists that play the game and rise to the top are often corrupted along the way. If you choose to not play the game, or you play and lose, you are left broken. Or you keep your craft only as a hobby, never sharing it with the world. And I say it isn’t right! I’ll focus on the theater for a moment as that is what this board meeting involved. It’s not right that extremely talented actors and designers across the country have to balance their art with full-time jobs, slaving away 80+ hours a week. The other option? To live by your art, but to live in a studio apartment eating a can of soup or ramen for dinner at the age of fifty. And not a studio apartment in LA or Manhattan, but in smaller cities where the cost of living is not so high. Or travel from town to town living in dormitories that are often substandard living conditions. Why should people who’ve honed their craft for decades be forced to live like this? Especially when the office side of regional theater seems to be doing just fine. Sure, we’ll pay our marketing or web person to work a forty hour week at $10 an hour, but the actors and the designers, who KNOW they will be living in poverty when they chose their careers, it’s fine to pay a stipend that breaks down to $3-$5 an hour. And we artists take the stipend! We take the money, and a lot of times we’re grateful for it!

Why are we as artists so quick to tie the noose around our own necks? I think there are several reasons. First, we are for the most part desperate for any attention and validation of our work. Of course we are. We are baring our souls, making ourselves vulnerable to all kinds of attacks. So when someone wants us to work for them or with them, even if it’s for free, we take it. Secondly, creating feels good. When I write or draw or dye or sculpt or play music, time stops once the flow begins. I’ve sung for hours before without realizing it, until at last a slight scratchiness in my throat has forced me to stop. Or danced just for the sheer joy of dancing. And when we can do something that feels that good, and actually get paid even a tiny amount for it, there can be feelings of guilt, of unworthiness. Thirdly, and this ties into the guilt, there is the idea of the suffering artist hanging over our heads. If we don’t suffer, how can we make art? And fourthly, many MANY artists are bad businessmen. They’ve never learned how to take care of themselves as a product, they don’t know finances very well, and they don’t always read before they sign. This thankfully has been changing a little with the internet, as you can see by the immense popularity of Etsy.com, and the financial success of many webcomics. But there are still many artists that rely too much on other people, middlemen who cut out big chunks of the profit, companies looking to take advantage of people, and even other so-called artists looking to take advantage!

You need to decide for yourself once the time has come to stop doing work “for the development of your portfolio”, but as artists, you should NEVER do anything absolutely for free. There’s a new band that wants you to design their CD cover but can’t afford to pay you? Fine, but in writing you should ask for .25₵ of every CD they sell. And if they use your design on a poster advertising a concert? $1 for every ticket they sell, plus a cut of poster sales. This way, even if you never make back the time you spent on the project, you have a VALUE on your art. The same for working for credit and DVD on a film. Yes, that’s fine when you’re first starting out, but you should also get some kind of deferred payment in case it ever sells. You need to place a value on your work, because if you don’t, no one else will.

Unfortunately for the theater world, there seems to be little hope unless a massive reform should come. Theater has become an American business in the very worst sense of the word. You have a vicious cycle of paying marketing and administrative people in order to sell tickets, to sell tickets you do less challenging theater, and you do less challenging theater to pay your marketing and administrative people. Hence theater based on popular movies. It sells tickets, but doesn’t say anything that hasn’t already been said before.

The other side of the coin is you get artists, in all aspects of art, who say “Screw the system, screw everyone! Let’s get together and make a film/theater/sculpture/music piece that flouts all convention, for no pay! And very few people will see it! And the people who do see it are guaranteed to no ‘get it’ because they’re stupid, mindless sheep! But it’s subversive, so that’s okay!” Believe me, I’ve seen craigslist and mandy.com postings of this sort. And art of this sort is dangerous at worst, masturbatory at best. Here develops some of the biggest egos in the art world, because you and a small group of your peers are constantly stroking that ego, and it is a disservice to everyone. It is this group of artists that perpetuates that ideal of the starving, dissatisfied artist furthest, and it is this kind of art that is heavily being taught in our educational system today at both the high school and university level.

Here I will expound a bit on my concept of what art is, and perhaps spark a bit of controversy among people. I am speaking MY truth, though, and whether or not it is true for you is something you need to decide for yourself. Art is creation. It is the closest thing we humans can get to the divine. We artists unfold the veil of the universe and interpret what we see in whatever medium we use. And as artists, we have a responsibility to share this unique vision with the rest of the world, either on a small or large scale. We should be creating something that will either make people think profoundly about something long after they’ve been exposed to the art, or lift people’s spirits in a way that will then cause them to lift the spirits of those they come in contact with for a short time thereafter, causing a ripple effect across the globe. The best art does both, and you know the kind I mean. It’s the piece that literally stops people in their tracks and makes their jaws drop and perhaps their eyes tear up at the exquisiteness of whatever emotion the artist is conveying. The best theater does all this while simultaneously being entertaining. But it is impossible to do this kind of art when you are worried about where your next meal is coming from. It is impossible to perform this level of service to humanity when the arts are controlled by big business, when you’ve got sharks and middle men waiting to feed on your labor. And it is impossible to do this profound work when all you know is that you want your voice to be heard, and you have no idea of what you want to say.

So what is it that I want to say, as an artist and as a human being? What is my response to that board member in that regional theater? My response is this: we artists do not expect to live in poverty our whole lives, and from this moment forward, I am working towards the goal of having my art sustain me and mine. I will choose my collaborative projects with care, and I will continue to work on my own unique vision with no middlemen, no board of directors, no marketing team besides myself and my husband. By doing this, I am taking full responsibility of my art. My art will bring joy and/or profoundly affect all who come in contact with it. It will celebrate the good aspects of humanity and expose the bad. It will speak TRUTH, my personal truth blending with the universal truths of the world. Truth is power, and it is the most powerful tool we artists have.

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:36:29 GMT

It is such a blustery fall day today. The wind is blowing like crazy, making my silly kitty Jester sit at the window to keep an eye on all of the falling leaves and swishing trees. He's a neighborhood watch cat.

Yesterday started out being bad. I was kept up most of the night with coughing fits, then I ended up sleeping in to past 11AM because I had been up all night. I started getting depressed with my job search, which has so far gotten me zero interviews even with being active at 4 different employment agencies, and that on top of being PMS and sick was making me have what I call a case of the "fat'n'ugly"s. I don't know if other people have this problem, but when I feel bad mentally, I end up feeling bad about myself physically too. I think, too, with the job search, I'm depressed because I'm applying for bank teller jobs again in desperation. Only at credit unions, because I hate the way commercial banks push the credit cards, but I still REALLY don't want to go back to standing on my feet for 7 hours dealing with customers who don't understand why the funds from checks deposited aren't available right away, or why their interest rates went up for an overdue bill, or the people attempting fraud or ID theft. it's a lot of stress. AND I know that the next step next week if I don't hear from anybody is looking for retail work. Blech.

My day improved once I got a call from one of the temp agencies. I'm taking a 4-day receptionist gig starting tomorrow, which will give us the funds to be able to get a table at Steel City Con in Pittsburgh, PA. And I found out that my brother-in-law put in a bid on another house and it was accepted, so now we just have to wait for paperwork. But both sides want to close the deal as soon as possible. Then I cooked dinner for everyone, making my mom's famous sloppy-joes and broccoli stuffed baked potatoes. It was yummy. Then Pete and I spent a few hours in our studio space last night. I'm working on three birthday presents right now, but while doing them, I'm experimenting with some different stuff to use on merchandise later down the road. I'll be doing a craft blog about the making of said items once they are completed. And I mended two pairs of pants and my floral tights, which means I have some additonal wardrobe pieces back. One of the pants are good for work and I'll probably wear them Friday, so yay! And I was commissioned to design a few costumes on paper for "Bat Boy, the musical" by an old friend from high school proposing it to a local theater company to do in 2010. I'm giving him a discount on the designs, but I love the camp of "Bat Boy", so this'll be a fun art project.

Today I need to put laundry away and pick up, fill out a letter of recommendation for one of my workers this summer, work out, apply for as many jobs as I can find, and make a list of things I need Pete to do for my website. I also would like to play my flute and sketch. Then tonight, round 2 of our Venture brothers marathon! We are watching all three season in preparation for season 4.

So I'm excited that I'll get to unpack soon, in addition to getting our new (old) bedroom set from my grandparents house and a FREE upright piano from a friend of my mom's. Seriously though, we have kitchen gadgets (like our rice cooker and blender) that we haven't even seen since we moved out to CA because we left them at both my mom's and in-law's house, and I am so looking forward to getting back in the kitchen again with my stuff. There will be baking galore. And I'll be getting one of my grandmother's violets (she had tons of them in her house before she passed away, and my mom took a bunch), my cedar chest that's one of two heirlooms from my dad's side of the family that I only got to enjoy for one year before going to CA, my boxes and boxes of books, and various decorative figures and framed pictures that again have just been collecting dust for four years or more. Yes, I realize it's just stuff, and my life hasn't been horrible without these things, but there is such history and meaning and memories to them all that it feels good to be surrounded by them, a way to reconnect to family still here and family gone, a way to reconnect wtih my childhood.

Off to work I go, if this wind doesn't put me to sleep.

Musings...

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 02:09:20 GMT

I'm feeling quite torn up at the moment. I'm at a precipice of my life and I have to make decisions, but I'm having an extremely difficult time deciding what decisions to make.

Pete and I decided to move back East from California for several reasons, but mainly to be closer to our families and to have some hope of buying a house/property in the couple of years. We want children, we want a home base to create art of, we want to be somewhere that there is four seasons and that we will want to live for many years.

Here's where I have to make my decision: I think I need to decide between costume design and all my other hopes and dreams for the future.

I love costume design. I enjoy reading the play, psycho-analyzing the characters, creating or pulling clothes that fit those characters, and working with the director, the set designer, and the lighting designer to create a world that the actors can live in. However, I do not like the stressful environment that is the theatrical world. I don't like being at the mercy of other people to do their jobs correctly or I get blamed for their mistakes. I don't like a lot of the personalities of the people that are attracted to the theater world. And the hours are awful, even when I'm making $1000 to $2500 a design job. If you divide the number of hours I work on a show with the amount I'm getting paid, it ALWAYS equals less than $10 per hour. Every time I do a play, I always ask myself "Why do I put myself through this again?" When theater and film is good, it is very good, but when it is bad, it's horrid. However, I am good at what I do, and people have always wanted me to come back to work with them again. And seeing the finished product on stage or on screen is fulfilling.

The other side: I want to create a fairy empire with Pete. I want to create fairy dolls, fairy wings, fairy purses, and fairy art. Going to the Renaissance Festival this past Sunday made me lust for a booth there in a couple of years. I also want to start singing and playing my flute out again. My voice is coming back, and once I'm settled in at our new abode, then I will work hard for a couple of months before reaching out to see if there are any other musicians interested in coming along. In addition, I need to start writing again. I have so many ideas for books, music, scripts, poems, that need to come out. And, Pete and I want children... soon.

i reached the realization/conclusion yesterday that I cannot do everything in the above paragraph and still pursue costume design, for both financial reasons and time constraints. It is impossible. So my options are:

1) Continue looking for costume design jobs. Actively send out my resume to every theater/production company in the north east, build upon all of my contacts, and finally finish my hard copy and my online copy of my portfolio. Also, search for a part-time job, either short-term or long-term. This means that I will have to continuously spend weeks apart from Pete as I go do jobs, but I will hopefully be building contacts that will last me years.

2) Only do costume design jobs as they fall in my lap. Get a full-time job, with benefits, and pursue my other artistic/creative goals in my spare time. Continue doing this until we have a down payment for a house, our first child is born, and Pete and I are tentatively ready to begin our fairy business venture as a full-time job. Force myself to begin performing again by the end of this winter. With this option, I run the risk of stagnating at a full time job, being caught in a rut and having my soul eaten by long hours doing something I hate. Also, I feel like a failure if I'm not pursuing costume design full-time, even if I am working on other creative pursuits. I mean, did I go an additional $30,000 into debt to get a masters just to get validation as an artist? Plus, my pride hurts A LOT at the thought of giving up design.

So I'm torn. And my current living situation is not making it easy. I am incredibly grateful to my in-laws to put us up for the time being, but we are five adults, one dog, and three cats in a small house. I am currently living out of boxes and suitcases, there is no place but the floor of the living room to really do any drawing at, and no room for sewing or anything. When I get to the point of doing alterations on my show next week, I will have to drive an hour and a half to Syracuse to work at my mom's house, just to have space to do it. Not to mention that my allergies are haywire from going from no pets this summer to four pets, plus having to have my cat's box in the bedroom. I feel claustrophobic, I don't have access to all of my stuff, and I have this fear of being trapped in upstate NY, of repeating the cycles of our families (even though we've already done more than anyone on either side), of failing miserably and just giving up. I'm scared, being at this fork in the road, and with the current living situation, I don't know if I can make any good decisions right now.

I had a good long talk with my mom tonight, and she advised me to go to bed for the next few night asking the question of what is going to make me happy, and thinking about it for a bit in the morning. I know I should start my morning pages again too, and that should help. But I don't know if I'll be able to connect to myself enough until we're in Pete's brothers house. He'll be closing hopefully in the next week or so. I'm just so confused though, and of course I'm beating myself up about all of this... cuz that's the way I am.

The History of Our Future... Today!

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 14:46:28 GMT

It looks as though Pete and I will be living in the Rochester area until next June, at which point hopefully we will have a solid idea of where in the world we want our home base to be.

I just got hired to be resident designer at the Irish Classical Theater Company in Buffalo! I am excited, to say the least, because I did wardrobe there for a year after graduating from UB so it's like I'm coming home in a way. I know and like a lot of the regular actors, they do really solid performances, and it's giving me 1/3 of the income that I hope to make next year. So now I am going to ship out my resume to every other theater company in the upstate area to try and make up the other 2/3's so I don't need a part-time job.

Pete and I will be living with his brother in Rochester to save money for a down-payment on a house of our own. In exchange for living with him, we're going to help fix up and decorate his house and cook a lot, etc. We're still working out details, since he hasn't even closed on it yet, but we'll figure it out. I'm excited to be within driving-distance of so many friends, although I will (and am) sorely missing the ones I've left behind in California. There was much kissing and crying when I left.

Pete made it safely back to Rochester and is moving his stuff into his parents' house today. Jester still hasn't met the other cats yet, but there's been hissing through the doors. Flutey, the other cat, is kind of a cantankerous old man cat, and Ivy, the little girl, could really care less I think. But they'll get used to each other. Jester is really friendly with other cats. He likes to talk to them and then lay down and watch them. But since he's coming in on Flutey's territory, Flutey has to challenge Jester.

"Secret Garden" opened last night, and it was beautiful. I got a lot of compliments on the costumes, which is good, and I've already been asked back for next summer. I told them that I might need to find a spot for my husband, though, cuz this 10 weeks apart isn't going to happen again for a long time.

I want to start playing jazz flute and singing again. I've been trying to do some vocal exercises and play my flute when I can. I'm going to try to find some people to play with once I'm back north.

That's all the update for now. I'm going to watch the parade now... I am so excited to see small town America at it's finest!

Five Things Positively

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 04:01:58 GMT

My friend shingkhor started doing a five things positivity routine from another livejournal friend of hers, and I am stealing it.

Don't worry, I'll post a nice long journal entry tomorrow about my time in Banner Elk, NC so far, but I was determined to start doing this weekly, and as my weekends are usually spent working as well, I consider Sunday the end of my week.

5 things I feel good about:

1. My first show, "Cats", opened! The whole production was very good, and I got some nice compliments. I may post pictures tomorrow if you are lucky.
2. I got to talk to Pete for a long time both today and yesterday. We talk everyday, but between our jobs and him finishing packing and both of us trying to socialize (me trying to make new friends, Pete saying goodbye to old friends), it was hard to find time this past week.
3. My waist is narrowing, finally. It's taken long enough, but all this walking around is doing me good.
4. I had instant success on my thrifting yesterday. I found exactly the dress I needed in the first thrift store we went to. Awesome.
5. I feel like my voice is coming back, singing-wise, and also I played my flute Friday night in the costume shop after everyone else went home for the day. I will be able to perform this fall!

5 things getting me down.

1. I miss Petey and the kitty. They move a week from tomorrow, and I am nervous about their trip and nervous about the future and feeling guilty about not being able to make the drive.
2. Two of my stitchers are currently not talking to each other... wait, no, one of them has decided not to talk to the other, thus the silence between the two. Awkward. Very awkward. I like them both as people, but I am having difficulty not taking sides while trying to make sure I still am on friendly terms with both. I hope the one gets over it soon, or else how can I say "let's go to lunch together" or "let's take some time on our day off to do this"?
3. The whole Iran situation has been disturbing me, but what disturbs me more is WHY HAVEN'T WE DONE THIS AT ALL? We as a people have put up with some serious stuff in the past few decades, and yet we are livestock and don't respond when taken to the slaughterhouse beyond a few bleets and moos. I don't like being reminded of this.
4. Several of my friends have been losing jobs, or are close to losing jobs, or had a huge layoff where they work. The recession may be slowing, but it's not over yet, and when it effects the people I care about, I have to worry.
5. I missed a wedding this weekend that I would have loved to have gone to, to celebrate with people I haven't seen for years an event that took WAY too long to happen.

5 things that I should do to put me in a better mood.

1. Take time to draw and write more. I'm trying, but I had to have an adjustment period when I first got here.
2. Get out and appreciate the beauty of the nature around here. There are caverns and a waterfall and a warm whitewater rafting place. And within walking distance is a lovely duck/geese pond. I should take my stale bread down there tomorrow.
3. Keep working out. I slacked this past week as it was "that time of the month" and also a dress rehearsal week. I needed all the sleep I could get.
4. Try to go out to the bar at least once this week with the actors. I went to the opening night party, which was a lot of fun, but I'm not a bar fly. I'd like to try and get to know these people a little better though.
5. I need to start singing and dancing just for the sheer joy of it. You know the song "just whistle while you work"? I am going to sing and dance through my work to help alleviate the stress.

Wah!!!!

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Wed, 27 May 2009 01:13:34 GMT

I am packing and cleaning and STILL working on renderings and need to send out emails once said renderings are finished and then keep packing. I don't leave until the red-eye tomorrow, but I have to leave the apartment by 11:30AM for the entire day.

Oh, and here's a bombshell. Pete and I are moving back to the east coast. Soon. Not sure where exactly yet, but somewhere within a 12 hour drive from our families in Rochester and Syracuse. Pete is actually going to moving while I am gone this summer, so I've also got to type a letter giving notice and saying that Pete can sign for me when he leaves.

Wahhhhhhh!!!!!!

Self-Reflection

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Thu, 21 May 2009 05:50:12 GMT

Almost a year has gone by since I graduated with my masters, and I have decided to take a few moments to reflect on how I’ve done with my career and artistic growth in this time and where I need to improve.

First of all, I have to acknowledge and take pride in the fact that I’ve been able to GET design jobs steadily. I have, in the past year, designed six theatrical productions, two dance concerts, one short film, and one TV promo. When work dried up from January through early April, while working a full-time temp job, I was applying for jobs for the summer. And everyone I have worked with has wanted to work with me again as a designer.

During my periods of low inactivity, I have been very good about cold-calling theaters in the area. I look for new jobs to apply for every week, and I’ve been trying to get my name out there, but honestly, when I’m involved with a show, it consumes me to the point where I haven’t been able to concentrate on getting more work. This is something I need to work on so that my design gigs can be more continuous.

As I’ve stated in earlier posts, it was a major adjustment graduating and being out on my own. I’ve worked through a case of depression, figured out what my key tools of procrastination are, and I’m working on excising those tools from my life, or limiting my use of them.

I have NOT finished my portfolio, either online or my hard copy. Both are at a state that I can use them when I’m interviewing, but my goal is to complete both by the end of August.

I FINALLY have begun to workout and lose weight, and I’m sure I will be a lot healthier this summer. I won’t be inclined to cook elaborate, fatty meals if I have no one to cook for except me. And I will be taking much of my procrastination time to work on outside art, music, and writing projects. Pete and I have made some plans for the future (the development of a fairy empire), and I need to go about implementing those plans. I want to explore new mediums. I have also decided that next fall I WILL play my flute and sing publicly again, even if it’s just going to an open mike night or finding a jazz band to take pity on me and allow me to sit in on them. This means that I MUST practice this summer.

That being said, I have been lacking in discipline for much of this year. I knew what I needed to fix months ago, but I keep allowing myself to be distracted. But I have learned to be more forgiving of myself, and I am mentally prepared to push beyond the limitations I’ve imposed on myself.

My first year as a “master of fine arts” was one of adjustment and discovery. I didn’t make as much money as I had hoped, and I couldn’t have taken the opportunities that I have if it wasn’t for Pete supporting me, but I’m on a path and I will follow it through the end. A qualified success, I would say.

I'm Feeling Sicky and Restless, So I Decided "Why Not Make a Post?"

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Tue, 12 May 2009 00:29:39 GMT

I know, not the best time to be posting, but I'm sure that I've made worst decisions in my life.

It has been way too long since I've posted, and several times I've meant to come and post, but life kept getting in the way. Also, I am somewhat addicted to updating on Facebook, but not as badly as many I know.

My mind has been very scattered of late. I have soooo many things that I'm thinking about right now that I'm having a hard-time focusing on ANY of it, and this virus thing isn't helping. My designs for "Cats" is still in the research/roughs stage. I had wanted to be done with that by Friday, but I can't rush the process. I have so many things that I want to work on but I can't because of my lack of focus. I've only been working on the things that I HAVE to work on. Luckily, I've added exercising to my list of things I have to do, so maybe the trick is adding back in everything else. But the distractions are there, looming on the horizon. Big life changes a-coming. For the better, I hope.

ANYWAY, I had a fantastic weekend, almost making getting sick yesterday worthwhile. And no, the illness did not distract me from the glory that was Star Trek. I swear, I have a crush on EVERYONE in that movie. Saturday I went to Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab's open house and bought Velvet Unicorn and tested Strawberry Moon (promptly purchasing it as soon as I got home). This is part of my birthday present since Pete and I figure we probably won't have a lot of extra cash flow come the end of summer. Then I went out to dinner with the costume girls and Pete just like the old days in Long Beach. Pete went home on the train, and I went and saw the last grad production of the year at my old college (alumni night equals free ticket!). It was a very powerful show about war, but the theater was stiflingly hot. The after party was lots of fun, since I got to see some people I haven't seen since graduation. Lots of hugs, which may explain the sudden virus yesterday.

I just feel like I'm floating along right now, trapped by some of my own internal fears from taking some actions that I believe I need to take. I need to focus, get over this virus, and be awesome these last few weeks before going away to North Carolina for the summer.

"Live free or die"

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 20:00:25 GMT

Vermont lives up to it's motto. www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30089125

Yet another reason to love and want to move to Vermont! You know, besides the maple syrup and awesome cheese.

An Odd Week...

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 20:04:47 GMT

Things always balance out.

The bad: Last Friday as I was pulling into my work parking lot, a motorcycle ran into my car. He is fine, but it is the first accident I've been in where anyone was hurt. I totally freaked out, sobbed until the paramedics assured me that the man had at most sprains, and now I get to wait for the insurance companies to determine who was at fault. Wheee! The damage to our car is estimated to be $1172, and if I'm at fault, I'm responsible for $500 of that which means that... it probably won't get fixed until next year. My plan is that once our car is paid off next March, Pete and I will save the car payment money for a few months and then get both the exterior and interior of the car spruced up. THEN we'll look into financing a second car, probably in fall of 2010. Although depending on where we're living, we may need a second car prior to that.

The good: I was offered a summerstock design gig in Banner Elk, NC! They are going to pay for my airfare, give me housing, and pay me quite well for two months. I'm designing three shows, one of which is "The Secret Garden", one of my all-time favorite musicals! Since airfare has come down so much, Pete will hopefully be able to visit me at least once in the two months. It looks so beautiful in Banner Elk, and I'll be able to make some east coast theater contacts. So yay. I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

Brief Notes

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 19:36:05 GMT

Musings:

- Peanut butter and banana sandwiches on whole wheat bread are delicious.

- At my first read through of my next show last night, the second producer who I had never met before said she "knew my work and thinks it's really lovely" and had recognized my name from other theaters I have worked at. So incredibly awesome. Now if only a big name film or theater producer would come along and say the same thing.

- I have applied for three college teaching positions in three different states on the east coast. Most of you know my previous statements on teaching, but I would be teaching design/designing shows for the universities in question while being expected to maintain a professional career outside of teaching. I think I could get really into inspiring future artists, and teaching would give us a bit of financial security while also giving me time to explore my own art. And I am SO disgusted by certain so-called teachers and professors that are bitter and try to keep their students down that I will work my butt off just not to EVER be that way. One thing I am NOT is a hypocrite. I've a lot of bad traits, but that isn't one of them. I'm not holding my breath on any of these positions, but if it's meant to happen, it will happen.

- Our apartment is finished being cleaned/fixed and Pete and I can start putting it back in order tonight.

- I'm missing my nieces and nephew a lot today for some reason.

- The perfume "The Little Sparrow" from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab is great on me. I will need to get a big bottle eventually. Yes, I have an addiction.

- I am getting focused and ready to be creative/energetic again. I burnt myself out on the convention and having our apartment a wreck makes it difficult to want to do anything when I get home. But no more!

A Long, Slow Day

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 18:43:46 GMT

Today is a slow day at work. Two out of four people gone, not a lot of work to do except for this really drawn out boring project, I have a slight sinus headache for various reasons, and I am sleepy from going to a beer tasting last night (I'm not hungover... my body just wants to sleep to digest and rid myself of the various poisons.)

So much to talk about. I will focus on the positive in my life.

I am currently wearing Eve from Black Phoenix Alchemy, which I got as an imp the last time I bought some bottles. I adore it... apple and rose primarily, so light and refreshing. I switched to my spring scents last weekend and have been enjoying the change.

The convention with Pete was fun. We made table cost and paid for half our motel room, but then I bought a crocheted silver, peridot, and seed pearl necklace (lovely but an expense I didn't expect) and Pete got a fairy watercolor from the art show. I also found out that peridot is good for focusing energies, which is good for me. I have so many different projects going, I need to focus. It was an interesting experience to say the list, being at a sci-fi/fantasy convention. It was much smaller than we expected, but a good first experience. I had fun wearing my new fairy ears, which you can see some pictures of on my facebook (I'll put more up this weekend.) I am so grateful to have this full-time job right now because we were able to do this convention and experiment with some products without going further into debt.

We are taking our friends out this weekend to Little Tokyo as payment for them watching Jester this past weekend. We're getting a sushi boat for the first time!

I'm getting some really great organizational ideas from working this office job. This weekend will be one of massive job applying and organization, or as much as we can organize with our apartment currently being a wreck. We had a mold problem in our outside wall that they finally are taking care of, but now all of our extra stuff in our bedroom is sitting in our living room and of course the workers are taking their sweet time about it. But at least the problem is being taken care of, and my allergies are already improved at home.

I'm also delving into my next design. It's 1920s, which I'm excited about. I haven't done a show in this time period before. It feels strange taking this long of a break (a month) between design projects. I haven't done that since the summer.

I have a lot I need to work on, and I will begin this weekend. Hooray for being on track. Now if only I could predict the future. Hmmm...

Anticipation...

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 20:59:51 GMT

So many things abrewin... I hardly know where to begin.

1) I got these in the mail the other day: www.aradanicostumes.com/images/Elf_Ears/largeanime.jpg I will wear them for the first time to Condor in San Diego at the end of the month. I will be dressing like a fairy all three days to promote our booth. I am ridiculously excited.

2) Pete and I will be unveiling several new goodies at this upcoming convention that will hopefully at least allow us to break even. It's our first time to a sci fi/fantasy convention, but I think we will do well. Pete and I are in the process of building a fairy empire.

3) I've gotten a couple of good reviews for my show that just opened.

4) I'm in the process of applying/hearing back from summer theaters to design for. I've got about another ten to go, application wise, including two summer camps. I love when people reply back to my applicatins telling me that my designs are "lovely", although part of me instantly becomes suspicious at the compliment.

5) I'm going to break down and get a subscription to IMDB this weekend. The producers/directors of the short films I've worked on are just taking WAY too long to get information up online, so I will take matters into my own hands for $2.50 a month (hey, it's a tax write off so that's good). I think only having one credit right now, and not even a design one, is hurting my ability to get paying film gigs.

6) I also broke down and got a facebook account, although I haven't done anything with it yet and might not have time until after the convention. I've just been thinking a lot about the people in my past who used to be friends, and I'd like to see if I can contact them and find out how they're doing in life. Everyone who touches us has an effect on us, and I've just been thinking of that lately.

7) It has been raining like CRAZY out here lately. I experienced driving through essentially a stream in the road almost up to the tops of my tires for part of my trip home on Friday. California desperately needs water though so I'm dealing with it. It ::SNIFF:: makes me think of Buffalo. ;-)

8) Pete and I had a lovely celebration of our 7 year dating anniversary this past Sunday. Then we had a kind of crappy day Sunday to make up for it. Everything always balances out for us.

That's it for now, although I've had a post about spirituality building since Christmas, so I'll post that soon.

A Little Whining...

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 20:40:52 GMT

This past week and 1/2 has been rough. Starting an 8-5PM job during a dress rehearsal week was stupid, plain and simple. Necessary, but stupid.

My tiredness came to a culmination on Monday, when I was left alone in the office with my intimidating boss for much of the day, and I kept making stupid mistakes that drove my own perfectionist instincts insane. The drive home, with two stops on the way for errands, added on further frustration, and when I got home I had to cry for a bit in Pete's arms.

I don't know how Pete has done this for three and 1/2 years, working a job he hates to feed us. I don't know how several of my other friends do it either. It's not that the work is difficult, or boring, or stupid... it's multi-tasking in a way I'm not used to, and it's using parts of my brain I haven't had to really use since summer of '06, which is interesting in a way but also incredibly difficult. I'm currently working for a private insurance agent that uses insurance to protect people's wealth, primarily, which is good for me to learn because I do hope to eventually earn SOME money. And the boss is exactly the kind of person I would want advising me financially. The really awful thing is that I feel like this job is crushing my soul, literally. Lack of natural light, dealing with people on the phone, lots of typing, the boss' personality... I could feel my inner artist/child shriveling up and crying. I got home Monday night and lied on the floor of the living room, Jester nuzzling my head and purring like crazy. I had a little cry, a little cuddle, a good sized beer... and then spent four hours finishing up alterations for my show that opens on Saturday (last night was the last time I'll have to be at rehearsal, thank goodness).

What I wonder is how can people spend their whole lives denying and killing their inner selves? And I'm not talking about the people who work full time and then do fulfilling things on their off time. I'm talking about the people who come home, sit in front of the TV, drink, and stop thinking most days out of the week. Do they just get numb? Were they ever able to hear that inside voice? Did they have hopes and dreams that just ended up decaying? And how sad if that's so. How truly, terribly sad.

Real office work is not for me. If anything, this job is making me appreciate my freedom when I can afford to have it and to discipline myself for a good long time to come.

Year to Date

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:48:04 GMT

I am typing on my lunch break right now. I started a three month long temp assignment working at an insurance company while the admin assistant is on maternity leave. I'm doing well in it so far... a lot of the work is mind numbing, but there's enough of it to keep me busy which is good. Otherwise I'd go insane. I hate twiddling my thumbs, having to "act" busy, or spreading tasks that I could complete in five minutes over an hour or so. I feel like having this job for three months may just be the tool I need to re-displine my body to the six-seven hours of sleep a night and waking up at 5:30-6:30AM in order to accomplish the tasks I need through out the day.

I also begin teching my show on Thursday, so not only did I jump into an 8AM-5PM schedule yesterday,. but I've been staying up late to work on alterations. Logistically, I couldn't finish my fittings until Sunday with the actors, so now it's crunch time. Everyone is looking really well, though, and I'm pleased with the design overall. I'm also enjoying the process more than I did last fall, which is a sign that the depression and lethargy has been conquered (I hope). Because I will immediately be going straight from this show to creating items for ConDor, the con I am going to with Pete at the end of February, and because of the temp job, I am going to take it easy on shows this spring. My next one doesn't open until April 17th and then I am doing a spring dance concert in May. I may try to do a short film or two in there as well since I haven't done one since late August/early September.

I have to find time to apply for a bunch of summer design jobs this week. Hoepfully I'll know where I'll be this summer by March at the latest. It's scary.

Blue Screen of Death

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 06:08:02 GMT

Earlier this week, I come out to my laptop screen bearing the blue screen of death. Naturally, I was unhappy with this situation. I tried the obvious re-starting off the computer, then called Pete to inform him of the trouble.

It turns out that Windows Vista, during automatic updates, occasionally will corrupt a file, thus causing the blue screen of death. And it is impossible to wipe your hard-drive with Vista. I will repeat that, with an addition. Since the spring of 2007, very soon after Vista debuted, Microsoft was aware of this problem, forcing many people to buy brand new hard drives. Of course with no reimbursement on Microsoft's part. It is now 2009, two years later, and this crap is still happening? Why yes it is.

Fortunately, there is one way to wipe your hard drive, and that is by using Windows XP version 2, which Pete happens to have and used. However, my sound cards on my newer laptop do not work with XP, so after wiping my hard drive, we then had to install Vista back on the computer, turning off all automatic updates and hopefully avoiding this problem for the near future. I've also finally made the switch to Firefox.

The good news. I did not lose anything vital or original. My dry spell of creativity means that I didn't work on my novel or music or artwork since the last time I uploaded my files to the external hard drive. The bad news. I haven't uploaded in a couple of months. I lost several hours worth of edited photos for my website, several hours worth of downloading patterns and pin up hair styles on line, several hours of research from past shows. So it goes to show you what happens if you do frivolous things online. An even bigger worry of mine is that I may have lost all my playlists on winamp. I thought it was being saved to my external hard drive, but I cannot find them. Pete is going to look into it this weekend. This means that I have TRULY wasted hours upon hours of time. And I miss my playlists. But, in the big scheme of things, I made out okay. Annoyed, but not devastated.

I have, however, felt annoyed at having to re-upload all my software, files, etc. and in my free time have just begun a new blanket (knitted) rather than working on more "productive" things.

It's interesting that I'm not more upset about this. Pete fully expected me to be upset, to cry, to be really depressed, as I have in the past. But I'm just going with the flow, accepting the inevitable with good grace. I'm more angry that Microsoft is stiffing people, forcing them to buy new hard drives. But we all know giant corporations suck.

Musings

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 08:19:27 GMT

I hope everyone had a lovely New Year's Eve/Day! Pete and I were in Phoenix at our friend Nola's house. You can see pics of what we wore in Pete's journal. We brought Jester with us, and he was such a good kitty. He didn't like when the road got bumpy, yelling at us and climbing up into our laps, but most of the trip he just hung out in the back seat. At one point on the trip home he got into the trunk space (we have an outback) and laid on the suitcase, watching the cars out of the window. Everyone spoiled Jester horribly at Nola's. The party itself was fun, and on top of having a good time drinking and conversing, I also got to feed a baby and play with two HUGE dobermans.

I feel very hopeful for this coming year, as though many things in the universe are converging to a single point for me and for Pete. And yet, I am also afraid of where the world is heading, and I know that this could block me greatly if I let it. But I am determined to not allow myself to get this way.

Over the past few weeks, I have done several crafty things. I finished crocheting an afghan for my father for Christmas. I made a dress to wear home on the plane on Christmas Eve. It's really cute. It's a 1979 pattern, long full sleeve, cute tie collar with a keyhole neckline, made from green and black plaid knit I had picked up a few years ago when Lisa was visiting. I made the cat's bed a skirt out of the same material. And I have dyed t-shirts and made pillows for Bardsworth. You can see those here: www.bardsworth.com/store.

Writing-wise, I've started doing my morning pages more regularly, and I wrote a poem last week. It's still a struggle, but I'm determined to persevere. I also played my keyboard and sang tonight until I almost lost my voice. It'll be a lot of work to re-train myself to be disciplined in writing and music, but I will succeed. I have also begun working out again, and Pete and I are making healthier eating choices, although we won't truly be able to eat healthy until we get through all the Christmas candy.

Pete and I have been contemplating having a "bye bye Bush" party, but Jan 20th is so close to Pie Day, that we may just combine the two. I don't know what the future holds... I know that people don't seem to have learned from their mistakes, that the corruption of the financial business just goes on and on, that the population seems to expect Obama to perform miracles, and that the people who truly should be suffering are not, but I am not convinced that this is the way humanity has to be. I really feel that we should be bettering ourselves, both individually and as a species, and that it is possible for us to do so. I strive to do so every day. We aren't perfect as a species, but we could be so much better.

Dream

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:20:02 GMT

I dreamed last night about my flute. I was carrying it around with me everywhere, knowing that I was leading up to a performance. But something was making me uncomfortable, and I kept going into bathrooms or stopping in front of windows to put on more and more make-up... first my normal every day stuff, then slowly adding until it became thick enough for stage make-up, and then covering that up with a thick creamy powder base, a few shades too light, that seemed to obscure all my facial features except my bloodshot eyes.

I haven't played my flute since October, and I have recently been wanting to spend more time with my music, so surely this is an affirmation of that, but what's up with the make-up? Is it my fear?

There are rumblings of change in the air.

To the future!

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 23:56:18 GMT

I am back from a visit home. It was rough, emotionally, I got a really bad cough/cold, and I didn't get to see my brother or nieces and nephew. It was good to see everyone that I could, though, and I enjoyed seeing some snow.

The flight back was uneventful, but I was afraid that my checked baggage wouldn't make it onto the second flight with me. It did though, so I was able to put all of Pete's presents under the tree.

Christmas was lovely, just Pete and myself and the kitty. Jester loves one of his new toys, a fake mouse with streamers on a long string and plastic pole. Pete got me a lot of goodies and took care of all the candy in the stockings. He feels like he didn't get me enough though, cuz he's silly. I made breakfast and Pete made dinner and I made a cheesecake. We spent lots of time together and enjoyed the whole day.

The year 2008 has proven to be a very tumultuous and stormy one for me. But I believe that this coming year will be a great year of growth and life. I am ready to move forward.

This is kind of a distracted entry. But there you go.

La la la!!!!

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 06:47:42 GMT

At 7:40 AM Pacific tomorrow I will be winging my way home.

I've tried three of my imps from BPAL, pulled at random from my bag. La Petite Morte finishes a little baby powdery on my skin, but the musk is very nice. Death Cap is earthy but nice on me. And Has No Hanna, a voodoo blend, is very floral in a tropical flower kind of way.

I will miss Pete for the week and two days I am home, but I really need to see my family. I just wish he was coming with me, especially on the plane. I hate flying alone.

Hope you all have a great holiday! I may not be posting until after Christmas.

Kisses for everyone!

Now to finish packing.

BPAL live! My nose might fall off.

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 06:21:03 GMT

Sooooo... I just got part of my Christmas gift. Bought by myself for myself. I went out to dinner with Pete and three of my costume girls from grad school tonight and then went sans Pete to Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab's full moon open house. I bought Fire Phoenix and Beaver 'Versary. Fire Phoenix is so spicy and awesome and Beaver 'Versary smells like cheesecake and cupcakes. And for donating a toy, I got TWO full bottles of special blends: Egg Nog Latte, which smells exactly like a spicy caramel yummy latte, and HoHoHo, which is pine with a sugary spice undertone. I can't really be more detailed because my nose is in overdrive.

While there, of the limited editions, I also tested Candy Phoenix, which was even too sweet for my taste, Snake Charmer, which was mysterious and lovely but not exactly right on my skin, Butter Rum Cookie, which started really good but ended up smelling on me like I had just dumped a bottle of rum on myself (!), Perchta, which was not good on me, All They Had Seen, which was really good and fresh, the Sea Rat, which smelled to manly for me, and the Gaoler's Daughter, which was very nice but not what I wanted it to be if that makes sense.

I also tried Smokestack and the Robotic Scarab from Steamworks. I thought the Scarab was good but the Smokestack smelled like driving up the 5 during rush hour traffic, so gross! Other scents I tried were Prunella, which was wonderful, Sunrise with sea Monsters, which was very sea-like and lovely, Black Phoenix, which was very spciy, Jester, which was fruity, Hurricane, which really smelled like a storm and I loved it, and Roadhouse, which was a little disconcerting to smell but good nonetheless. They also had a prototype of Pancake Breakfast, which smelled EXACTLY like maple syrup and butter drenched pancakes. I contemplated getting a bottle of it, but decided to go with Fire Phoenix instead. Two food smelling perfumes just seemed too much for me.

Now imps. The woman was so generous with the imps! And then one of my friends (the one that always give Pete the beer she doesn't like at tastings) quickly smelled hers in the car and dumped a bunch of hers in my bag. I got: Marie, Black Cat, Belladonna, Arcana, The Little Sparrow, Brinsingamen, Lysander, La Petit Mort, Titania, The Hanging Gardens, Shub-Niggurath, Has No Hanna, Desire, Eve, Kitsne-tsuki, Santo Domingo, Earth Cap, and Plunder. I haven't tried any of these yet, but I'm very much looking forward to it.

Now to finish up some sketching for a meeting with my next director tomorrow morning. Yay procrastination.

Eureka!!! I've figured it out and I'm pathetic! :-)

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 22:47:12 GMT

Thanks to everyone that offered a bit of insight to my ramblings in my last post. Your comments, and a discussion with Pete, made me think about my depression in new ways, and I have figured out the problem.

I miss the feeling of being a part of the group. I know, I know, several of my past journal entries were all "I'm always outside of the group, there's a bubble separating me from everyone, why can't I belong? wah wah wah". But really, by the time my third year rolled around, that wasn't the case anymore. I felt comfortable enough at school to take down my walls and just enjoy everyone's company, taking them for who they were as individuals. The days I felt distant, I accepted it as part of MY short comings. EVERYONE in the grad program knew who I was by the end of spring semester, and several of the undergrads as well.

No, I'm not bragging. I know it seems that way. But in short, the biggest lack in my life right now is that I'm not getting enough hugs! Shocking, I know. I mean, Pete makes a good effort, but between classmates, former students, undergrads I had designed for and adored, and just typical huggy theater people, some days I would get over a dozen hugs, or a quick cuddle or arm squeeze. And then that abruptly stopped June 1st. I have hugged people on the shows and films I've worked on since, but it's not quite the same as having my daily dose. This lack of human contact, which didn't really blossom until my last year at school, is almost definitely the cause of my depression.

So what can I do? Run up to strangers and start hugging them? Try to get together with my friends more frequently so there is an excuse to hug? Constantly sit on Pete's lap when he and I are home at the same time? Actually, that last one is a good idea. ;-) No, I'm going to have to adjust, and take advantage of the hugs and cuddles when I can get them, and store them up for a rainy day.

Who would've guessed that this would be the root of my depression? I NEVER would've analyzed it if it wasn't for all of you. Thank you!

Laziness or what?

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:26:32 GMT

So ever since graduating, I have been quite artistically void. The five productions and two short films I have designed since graduating were done by scraping the sides of my creative barrel, as it were, and they have left me exhausted and cranky instead of excited at my new "dream" career. I haven't been eating healthily, I stopped exercising regularly in August (while still making half-hearted attempts to start up again), I sleep 9+ hours a day and then suffer several days of insomnia but make no attempt to be productive in my insomnia, and I haven't worked on my website or my portfolio in a couple of months. I let the apartment fall apart around me and get caught up in stupid projects like uploading all of our music onto our hard-drive or downloading pin-up hair styles to try and then organizing the folder on my computer. My writing makes little weak flutters in my soul but I ignore it, not even doing my morning pages more than once or twice a week. I've stopped playing music more than once or twice a week. I haven't drawn or painted anything unrelated to costume design since December 23 of last year. I really am not as excited about cooking or baking big projects at the moment. I start reading a novel and let it suck up a day or two until I finish it, ignoring everything else I should be doing. And I have big project plans but don't get beyond the beginning couple of steps. I feel weak, physically and mentally and spiritually.

I have tried to justify it, calling it an adjustment period after school. And I have spent some much needed time with Pete, I've gone to see some art to fill my well, tried giving myself little luxuries like some Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab perfumes and getting into the hot tub at least once a week, and taking a bubble bath once every couple of weeks. I've tried talking it out with various people, tried some kitty therapy, but nothing seems to shake me of this fog that I am trapped in.

I've redone the artist's way, and it didn't really help. Because I see how I am blocked, and I know mostly why. I know I need to discipline myself to get done what I both want and need to get done, but somehow, I'm not making myself do it.

So is this laziness? A necessary restructuring of my life post-education? Depression? Some strange combination? I don't know. I do know that I believe I have squandered about half of my personal time these past six months... maybe even more.

And I have just signed up for a temp agency, and I have my first assignment this Thursday and Friday. Maybe it will give me some structure that I need, but I'm mostly afraid it will make me regret the time I've wasted, making me mad that I've felt numb and deaf to my creative needs, which led to my ignoring the needs of my physical and mental health.

On the plus side, working through this temp agency will take away some of my monetary concerns, build us up a little safety net, and allow me to pay off my credit card debt and hopefully a big chunk of Pete's by May. So here's to the silver lining.

I am thankful for...

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 19:44:41 GMT

1) Pete! My soulmate, my rock, my best friend, the one who pushes me to better myself and accepts my pushing as well. The man without whom I would not have been able to complete graduate school financially or be attempting to pursue a creative career today. I could go on further, but I don't want to make anyone gag on the sweetness.

2) My family... all of whom make me laugh and cry, and I can make laugh and cry. Some of whom are insane, but I love them anyway. I know their good qualities and their bad and I love them still. The best quality of all though, is the surety of their love, no matter what, and that if we ever truly need anything from each other, all it takes is asking.

3) Jester, my silly kitty. Making me laugh, hugging back when I hold him. And under this category, I will list cuddly animals of all kinds, from rodents to elephants, that respond to and give back affection. Mammals are awesome, and I love cuddles!

4) This is a somewhat silly one, but I am so incredibly thankful that Pete and I have never been wealthy. I may be jinxing myself for saying this, but our quality of life hasn't changed that much at all so far in this awful economy. We buy less DVDs but we had already started doing that when we signed up for Netflix, we always look for good deals on groceries but we normally don't have to skimp on the quality of our coffee or bread and we haven't started shopping at three different grocery stores to get the best deals yet, we tend to eat out at cheaper restaurants like diners or local chains when we do eat out. But really, that's it. There are things that we need to buy that we will hopefully buy soon, such as new tires for the car and Pete needs some new clothes. I have stressed these past few months about money (being a contract employee will do that) but aside from our one moment of carelessness a couple of months ago, we've been doing just fine.

5) Life! I am thankful for living each day and seeing the life around me. The world and humanity, in all its darkness, is still an INCREDIBLY interesting place to live.

I could go on, but I have already spent too long typing this up.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Don't forget to eat til you feel like you'll burst, because gluttony is the true sign of thankfulness! ;-)

Just Watched "Meet John Doe"

dreamkat82@hotmail.com — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 06:04:47 GMT

I just finished watching "Meet John Doe" for the second time, and this Frank Capra classic is strangely appropriate with the current state of our country. If you have never seen this movie, rent it and watch it. Just do it!

Pete and I spent our Barnes and Nobles giftcards today! I got the next book in my favorite series by Diana Gabaldon and also picked up "Wicked", which I have not yet read. I was also pleased to see that my other favorite author, Sharon Kay Penman, has released another Eleanor of Aquitane novel. Very exciting stuff.

And I spent the rest of the evening dyeing stuff I'm working on for Bardsworth. Round one of the dyeing is done; it now has to dry and then I'll do round two.